i love those awkward almost-stares where we can't quite bring ourselfs to look at each other but once we finally feel the strength to steal a glimpse we find one another staring at each other. and in that tiniest fraction of a moment our hearts race a beat faster and our feet slightly lift off the ground and we hit that nirvana... where nothing matters except each other. every single body part is intensified and i think about every wonderful moment we could spend together creating history and forgetting the past. then i remember to throw my head down and erase every wonderful memory that could've been because i know it won't and i remember that i am nothing but a meaningless top shelf you can't quite reach. i wish i had better self confidence.. i know that forgetting you is probably the nicest thing i could do for myself but i feel some sort of struggle trying to forget a boy (SO CLICHE) who has no emotion feelings for me(again SO CLICHE) and actually i have no emotion feelings for the being you are but more so the idea of who you are and what you represent and it's very shallow and degrading towards myself to continue this.

DO I FUCKING CARE. you are nothing to me. you are nothing to me. you are nothing to me. you are nothing to me. you are nothing to me you are nothing. you are nothing. i have these breakthrough moments where i'm like "who the fuck cares" and i feel myself again. but you always bombard into my moment and steal my light. and once again all of the attention is back on you again. i feel like i should charge you for occupying my mind for so long. -i'm thoughtlessly dedicating this all to you, if only you knew.

i'm destroying myself, actually i'm allowing you to destroy me. but the moments feel so right, and i'm lying to myself for you. could this be more pathetic. i see right through you bluff, but i still go along with it. for what? i question myself. to feel passion? or is it because you have a title behind your name that is alluring. does this make me superficial yeah. it does and therefore i will suffer. i'm a pawn in you life and i will suffer for allowing this to unravel. life's easier when less people love you anyways, thanks for allowing me to keep my expectations low.