To someone who was once Everything to me: I still wish things had not gone badly between us. I wish we were still friends. I wish I knew then what I know now. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I didn’t understand what I was doing then I didn’t see the point you had, Just lashed out feeling attacked. Afterward it hurt, it tore me up inside To have things conflicted between us It was hard to say I was wrong And even now it’s all I can think of When I hear Bert’s Hard to Say. Swallow my pride, I miss you And I would forgive you still If only you would forgive me too. Some would say it’s not worth it, But I hate to see that all our time together Was nothing but a waste. I should have bit off my fingers Rather than write those words to you: They were riddled with my ignorance And I couldn’t see the good thing before me. I was so far gone then I couldn’t tell wrong from right And leaving you made me fall further Away from all stability To realms of restless searching. I found him, then, of course, But those were dark times for me. I guess it only makes sense That the times I hate to remember Follow immediately after What I know was the best time of my life. You kept that line drawn for me, What was acceptable and what was too far. If only I had listened to you, I would have seen what I was becoming And I would have seen that I was wrong. If only you had been more patient with me… But I guess that’s a lot to ask for. I know I’m hard to handle sometimes And you tried the best way you knew how To tell me I was losing it. I’m not the same since you’ve been gone, I want you to know Your words haunt me even today: You had me pinned dead-on And I cringe to think of myself then. Oh, I wish we had never gone to the lake-house Wish I had taken my resolution more seriously. That, I think, ruined us more than anything. My behavior was inexcusable. I wish I could undo it But I did it enough It’s my fault I drove us apart. Years have gone by now And I still feel it. Its hard to say what I feel— Regret, I guess, for everything gone wrong, For the plague in me, and I’ve cried. I wrote you a note to apologize, But I don’t expect you to answer… So long as you know I miss you and I was wrong.

i love you stephan, but please, stop running around the countryside talking about politics when i need you to finish your album so much more? i'm voting, your "job" is done.

i thought this was done and over. just shoot me, i want to die. or get high or durnk. i'd rather do anything than let this spoil our relationship. you never think that a person who's dead can do more ruin to your relationship than when they were alive. except now. she's dead so now she's immortal. shoot me; maybe he'll miss me as much as her then.

sometimes i wish i were an addict again so i could feed this restlessness inside me. then i wouldn't have to deal with reality. i know how to fix my life... i just choose not to. i'm scared i may never have enough faith. if you knew how i really was, would you still love me like this? i'm fear when we're married you will want to read all the old poetry and journals i've written. i hold on to all my hurt and depression because somehow it makes me feel important. i'm worried that happiness is a plateau that can never be topped, and that it grows old after a while. i like teasing the boys while looking like i don't know i am. i never like to give too much information on myself because then people will a) categorize me, b) be able to predict me, c) think i am boring or shallow, or d) act like they know me. i think reading someone's poetry i know is kinda creepy. that's why i don't tell anyone i write poetry. i like stalking my boyfriend sometimes. i am obsessed with him and want to know every little thing about his history. sometimes i worry that MIB is true. i'm scared that one day i will run out of thoughts and cease to exist.