and life is pointless but what's so wrong with that? --3eb wow. all i know is sometimes it really is and it feels right.

ah i hate it when i get all these ideas in my head to write and i try to put them down and they come out nothing like what i wanted... I’m trying to find truth in words, in rhymes, in notes in all the things I wish I'd wrote ... it's always some excuse too tired, too obtuse --the format speaking of that song, baby i wish you werent so sad, i wish i could restore the happiness you once had to your life. i guess when someone goes through what you have gone through... cause I feel like I’ve been losing you ... you don’t hold me like you used to and your eyes look like they’ve seen too much but ... you look so far removed this time I fear I’m just not getting through i love you.

I love addy… I get so energized and focused, its invigorating!! I feel excited, as if something is going to happen, and I get optimistic about something happening and look forward to doing a task or meeting a challenge. And I love buzzing in my head… its such nicer reality sometimes to get away from real reality! I feel like I can go on forever with all the energy that I have built up inside me, almost invincible. i dont need to eat, i dont need to drink... i'm just awesome, life is awesome. Wow that sounds scary, looking back at what I just wrote… like a speed addict haha… BIG SURPRISE THERE!! my hands are shaking a little, i can't swallow fast enough (cos i forget i have to), and i get so wonderfully fidgety and pumped to do things... and i look at myself and smile i just want to do things, i want to clean my room, write stories, do homework, forever and ever... i get this insatiable curiosity as well as a desire to do what i do to the best of my ability... what ever happened to feeling this way naturally, like when i was a kid and got high on wanting to do well in school... haha now i'm typing overboard cos i just want to describe this feeling so perfectly. but back to the midterm!! above and beyond!!

sometimes.... i just get so tired of life. i'm jaded now, whatever that means...