it just sux being me right now.....honestly it does i finally came to the realization that i WAS raped....and now its too late to do anything about it =[ i went 2 whole weeks without cutting......and now i am mutilated again i really hate myself....i always thought that rape was when some scary looking guy jumped out at you in a dark alley and screwed you......but its not always like that.....in my case it was a hot 21 yr old who said all the right things at the right time.... he pretended to love me....pretended that we were soulmates.....told me he wanted to marry me once i was 18...he said he would wait those two years....he was so sweet that when we slept together i thought everything was okay since this was the guy i was going to marry someday...but when my parents found out......and there was a big deal over it made.....once i was hospitalized for trying to die for him......he split.....wwent down state....got into a college....got another gf....his age.......if he ever really loved me then he wouldnt have moved on so quickly... im hurting like crazy now life sux when your me

this website has been acting up for me for the past few days and it was driving me CRAZY ...anyway im here now soooooooooo...... i have been fighting with my mom a lot more than usual =-p but my Daddy has been GREAT! I told him that I was having my dress custom made for my sweet 16 and he said okay...then i asked him about what my budget would be....he said there wasnt a budget but just warned me not to go overboard!!! yay me! ive decided instead of a limo im getting a party bus! [woot! woot!] i thought it would be more interesting cause EVERYONE and their mother get a limo i think im gonna get a Beatles tribute band for my party but idk yet what I want lolz i have until august to plan....ive already made sure that 4 different schools are gossiping about it! haha anyway im bored.....i have an article to write...then i have a webpage to design LATER! -natalie

ME: HI DENTIST: Hello ME: How long is this going to take? DENTIST: I don't know ME: =/ DENTIST: open up ME: what's the needle for? DENTIST: you ME [duh] but i mean...is this gonna hurt like that much? DENTIST: open up and lean your head back ME: [err] DENTIST:[shoves needle into my gums] ME: [wince] DENTIST: ima start drillin now ME: uhhhhhh huh....but i can still feel my tooth DENTIST: you'll be fine DRILL: VVVRRRROOOOOMMM ME: [uh oh] [closes eyes] DRILL:[digs deeper and deeper] ME: ....um....not to interrupt your work or anything....but....I CAN STILL FEEL THAT DENTIST: [sticks big needle back into my gums and continues drilling] ME: [tries to focus on the Beatles song that was playing] DENTIST: quit trying to hum [=)] so yea....root canal....today....UGH! it was the first cavity i have ever had!...and the last...im so not going through that again! then i had to go see my therepist...while my mouth was numb =-p i was talking funny lolol ME:Um fulin gate=IM feeling great haha yeaaaa..... so in like an hour i get to go to CIVIL AIR PATROL aaaaaaaaaaaaand i get to finnally see my bfffff mariah for the first time since i was put in the hospital!! YAY!! well ima go get ready BYE! ----natalie----

ME: HI DENTIST: Hello ME: How long is this going to take? DENTIST: I don't know ME: =/ DENTIST: open up ME: what's the needle for? DENTIST: you ME [duh] but i mean...is this gonna hurt like that much? DENTIST: open up and lean your head back ME: [err] DENTIST:[shoves needle into my gums] ME: [wince] DENTIST: ima start drillin now ME: uhhhhhh huh....but i can still feel my tooth DENTIST: you'll be fine DRILL: VVVRRRROOOOOMMM ME: [uh oh] [closes eyes] DRILL:[digs deeper and deeper] ME: ....um....not to interrupt your work or anything....but....I CAN STILL FEEL THAT DENTIST: [sticks big needle back into my gums and continues drilling] ME: [tries to focus on the Beatles song that was playing] DENTIST: quit trying to hum [=)] so yea....root canal....today....UGH! it was the first cavity i have ever had!...and the last...im so not going through that again! then i had to go see my therepist...while my mouth was numb =-p i was talking funny lolol ME:Um fulin gate=IM feeling great haha yeaaaa..... so in like an hour i get to go to CIVIL AIR PATROL aaaaaaaaaaaaand i get to finnally see my bfffff mariah for the first time since i was put in the hospital!! YAY!! well ima go get ready BYE! ----natalie----

parents, school, siblings, WINTER, and grounding all on top of each other....i cant leave the house...i cant check my myspace... I CANT EVEN CLOSE MY BEDROOM DOOR! all this just because i tried to kill myself...big deal? =yes. BUT shouldnt that mean that they should try to IMPROVE my life....not make it worse?... im ready for an emancipation... i turn 16 in august... now that im grounded i cant even see or talk to all of my friends! the only people i can see are my ex bf Jeremy and my "big brother" Justin....i wanna see my girls! i miss shopping every weekend...and getting my nails done every two weeks... Justin has been a lifesaver....he brings pizza and a movie every friday... and calls to check up on me everyday..he rocks i love him Jeremy...ugh...im so confused.....he wants to eventually get back with me [like when im ungrounded]{FYI i broke up with him} ...at first i was happy...but now....? idk....im kinda happy being single....no limits...no one holding me back....i need to find an easy way of telling him i dont think i want to get back together with him [egh] the only thing im looking forward to is the fact that im having a Super Sweet 16 for my birthday....ive already been planning like crazy lol it is going to be so awesome.... im having an online competition on my myspace to pick who is going to get to be my date =] thats gonna be interesting.... also i get to go back to civil air patrol this tuesday!! [if your reading this and your curious go to cap.gov] AND Cheif Gaines [Josh-y [=] said that i get to have my job back ...he found a loop hold for me....he put MEDICAL LEAVE on my report sonce ive been in the hospital for a month and a half...so yay me lol now i think im going to go make taquitos YUM! lol ~Natalie~ aka andrellita aka lita aka lexi lol i have so many nicknames