you lay in concrete covered in puke and sweat the night black and speckled with street lights the shop keeper the people the police the bottle behind the bushes hands covered in sticky liquour an ambulence alarm in the distance tears falling down my face delirious with fear and over stimulation nails digging in my back trying to comfort me and promise me everything will be alright i dont know you i dont want to my shoe is stuck in chunks you lay motionless barely breathing dead weight i couldnt lift my thoughts only worry about your future your mother your health. in complete shock of how things can change in fifteen minutes no longer dancing on stage holding a guitar no longer rubbing against a much older man no longer laughing and dancing only close to death on sidewalk concrete beneath stangers and streetlights

There are so many things i wish i could forget the way you looked on concrete covered in puke and sweat the sound of ambulences the things he said as he left and i got fed up the way i feel when i lay in bed alone at night the depression soaks in and the thoughts never end the way i know how i feel but can't ever say it right the way i cant connect with other besides you how i alienate myself but believe its the way to stay true the negative thoughts the nonstop banter that bounces off my brain and keeps me awake the good intentions followed by my bad habits the way i worry ill never change the ways you say i make you sick but then you tell me you love me and its okay the confusion the pain the self pity and hatred the negativity the over excitabilty the ways i complain when i should only be greatful the heredity the environent the privledge the prevention the hopes the dreams and everything that holds me back the ways in which i restrict myself how i cant talk to you because i like you so much the self sabotage the selfishness. for this i am sorry and wish i could forget