Wow i havent written a journal in ages.i suppose that would make my initial"lets keep this thing going" idea was kinda....lost?oh well,everything seems to be these days. ive grown a lot this year.an awful lot. in the middle of prep for the gcses-fifth year exams-and it really sucks.yet i find myself not caring-at the worst possible time.Ive always had the perfect marks,and now,when such results are most important..I'm slipping.And i wonder if theres anyone out there who feels the same?Because sometimes i feel so lonely,small,insignificant...and i think,who else feels like that out there?and then i get all philosophical.Who knows what life's really about? We come to so many of our own conclusions. last night.i lay awake thinking about the boy i "love"-but then i thought,what is love?surely theres no clear cut definition of it.what i feel to be love...couldnt that be what other people would consider..a distant liking?theres no metre that measures how strongly you feel towards someone.its not like you hold hands for a certain amount of time,and wait for a red light to turn on,and people come out and say CONGRATULATIONS!YOURE OFFICIALLY IN LOVE!....so who are they to say this is just a teen thing?I may feel more intensely towards someone in the future..but it wont be the same...so how do we compare adult love to love in teenage years?Love is indefineable.I like to call it a state of the mind.A beautiful illusion.like...well,like any mental state.It is what our minds and personalities make it. ok,i know that was confusing...I'm confused MYSELF(im sure that ramble makes it clear)...but...meh. it is what you make it.And writing things helps me make sense of it,come up with new ideas... im off to stalk innocent friendlings on msn..if theyre around. anyone feel free to add me karen_marshall1@hotmail.co.uk i promise i aint a pervert..or murderer.etc. LOL

well,here we go,boxing day is pretty much over, which i guess also means the end of christmas for another year!And i have to admit,while it for some reason induced sad feelings in me,i will miss the happier aspects of the christmas spirit-The champagne and *Ahem* other alcohol ive been permitted for once to drink,the opportunity for the family to relax together...the time off school which will run out in a week or so...alas! But the thought that continues to spin round my mind is how im spending that time-AT HOME sitting in,doing nothing.life is so boring!None of my friends can be bothered to talk to me!Im so...boring?angry?emotional?what is it thats changed? God only knows.all I know myself,is that the company of my songmeanings journal,as well as the attention of whichever lyrical maniac(like myself) seem to be the only friend and comfort I have right now!

Well,it's christmas,and the very first time ive posted a journal...I've enjoyed,occasionally,readin other peoples',but to be honest, im the most lazy,and indeed slightly boring,person ever,and so never bothered myself. Chrismas day.sitting in my parents bedroom,doing...nothing!When did life get so..errrm...crap?!IM ONLY 16! Christmas is no longer about the joy and hyperactivity of getting new toys,and im not old enough to hit the bars.So i trawl into the living room,look at the clichéd teen girl gifts-make up,jewellery,hair products and money-have a few cans with my family..what now? and this is where i found myself-behind a computer screen,even though none of my msn buddies are online-theyre undoubtedly enjoying an more exciting christmas!!! Heres the dealio-life for me is pretty dull,and lets face it,as a teenage girl i got no power-but even ill admit,ive a powerful mind.The thoughts never stop coming.hopefully, ill be able to continue this journal,and right all those thoughts and questions down.That way.when im you know...OLD ill look back and go HUH thats what life was about back then!HA!imin NO doubt that the things that make me cry,or laugh,or worry now,will be nothing to what will achieve the same emotions when Im 30,40,whatever!So..this journal?my diary.because lets face it,its just not cool to keep an actual diary this day in age!!!:P