I read a book called Knife edge recently. The character in it feels constantly like shes walking on one-and so do I.I dopnt seem to be able to understand anything in this world. I'm scared for my friend.My friends. One is depressed as hell,yet I can do nothing about it.In actuality,I may not even know him.But I care,and I'm worried. I havent heard from him in a few days. But thats not out of the normal....But because of what he said last time we spoke,I'm very concerned,I wish I could be there for him. Another friend,Iknow I shouldn't care for.He's hurt me before.But honestly,I still love him.And,hes gone.Nobody's properly seen him in a bunch of days..like his family etc. No one. He's called me He wants to see me I dont think I trust him.Nor do my friends.If they knew I was in touch with him,they'd kill me.They say I should never let him into my life in any way,ever again... So what do I do? This is just another way for me to make sense of things in my head... And another boy in my life...is far away in england.Sometimes when I'm drunk I can pretend he's still here.But he left.Again. Adam won't leave me alone. He says he's worried about me. I'm worried too.I'm worried that he doesn't really care. That he's just using me.

Aoibheann is reading my journal. Stop readin my journal Aoibheann why you being a dickhead for(lol) I'm om.

You know what guys? I love songmeanings.And it's users.Well,the ones who aren't dickheads that is. Foo man=cool=] I had to put in a mention there,because well...pretty cool journal.I enjoy reading his...writings?lol And on that note,I've thought of all you guys out there..whoever may be reading this..because I know I read other people's often(im nosy like that) And yet I dont know you Even though we can so easily communicate Man,I think that sucks,you know? That so much is at our fingertips,and we don't grasp it. Many of you people have been through so much,you've seen so much and know so much more than me... I cry about my own experiences.But my problems? *My jeans are getting ever tighter. *my friends have deserted me. *The person I loved most in the world has up and left the country with his parents. *School's getting me down-and my marks are slipping. *The cuts are gone,but the marks are there. *My mum thinks I'm ill*blood test:|) *I have no more alcohol.And i have to lay off anyway Even I realise a lot of that is shit.But my world is so small.To me,That stuff is huge. I think,I've always known that though.Thats what seperates me from mere emos. The knowledge that my life isnt THAT bad. I'd love to get to know people,you know?real people.From all over. Last night,i stumbled across someone on bebo. She set up a sepaerate account,offering advice to people.Gave them her msn and said,come along for a chat.ID LOVE TO DO THAT...that sorta thing to me is just beautiful.She may have saved lives..shes certainly had many views.But then she'd older,and qualified.well,partially qualified. I wish I had it in me to do something great like that. I want to change the world for the better. right now i feel so small and insignificant. I suppose as a 16 year old im pretty powerless,But I want you guys to know,...whoever you are.. i guess... Look after yourselves?because theres always someone who cares. Never let the world close in on you,and never give up. We'll be okay live up to your dreams,live to live up to your dreams.Set yourself goals...It makes everything easier,if you have an aim... If someone isnt treating you right.,its them who sint right,not you.THEY are wrong and theyre not worth it. Look at life with logic-if you're saying that something you're feeling right now is really bad...well,it must have been better at some point,for you to make that comparison.And it'll be better againI'm saying all this,because this is what I should have told MYSELF long ago.I should have realised Guys,Ilove you Hug it out! xxx love, karen_marshall1@hotmail.co.uk

haha i just posted the longest journal ever,longer than the comment below...ive had experiences with this site before,so i copied it,in case it got lost...YET "the page could not be displayed" thing came on.i thought,keep calm,i can paste it. BUT IT DIDNT WORK,AND IT PASTED THE LAST COMMENT I LEFT ON A SONG!!!GRRRRR! does no one else despise when that happens? i was so angry i had to edit all the typos lmao ill probably rewrite later...

well,it seems I'm getting back into the hournal thing again. incidentally,does anybody else love reading these?The ones by other people that is?I posted my msn adress here earlier,and thee people added me.and i thought AWESOME. sometimes im on here,reading people's journals and i identifyy so much,and i want to contact them,and talk to them...just to say hi you know?i think gee,theyre cool.This site should set up a message thing.unless it already has one.which it may have,and ive overlooked it.i wouldnt put it past me. God,theres something our whole generation can't get past-and it's image.right now,greatest peev has goota be....EMO...like wtf? PEOPLE CALL ME EMO AND IT MAKES ME MAD....its such a general,broad term.I'm EMOTIONAL.ppl can say that to me,i won't take offence-i take things to heart,im sentimental and sensitive-but emo?WTF IS THAT? so ok it started in like...what..the eightys?and so a lot of people today have made it something very different to what it was then.i donty dislike "emo" music or "emo" clothes etc.But how the fuck does that work out?see what i mean about it being a braod term-its a fashion,a music genre,a lifestyle,and so many other things it seems. Does nobody else get infuriated when,one day,their mate or sibling or whatever suddenly likes..i dont know...mcr,fallout boy etc.Now now,thats fair enough. I don't particularly like those bands but I believe in respecting everyones tastes....its not THAT that gets to me.what DOES get to me is when,a day or two after THAT they decide that they get a new wardrobe and are suddenly lacking in any non black clothing. and THEN they decide they'd like to hang outside city hall(where,coincidentally,the goths and emos hang)...Oh but then that person makes a sudden discovery-THE WORLD HATES THEM!thats rigth,the world is acting against them,and them only!...the last step they then have to make is to tell people they arent emo.This is what makes a true emo. I know this is a complete rant,I just really hate fakers.gah. people need to learn that you cant define others with obne three letter word. I suggest we start a new genre.It will be called the "esque" genre-why you may ask?just add your name in front of eque,and thats the group you belong to.People are constantly trying to class me as chav or emo(they tend to have trouble,because im neither-my likes and dislikes are very diverse lol)I usually tell them im a karenesque being=] anyone backing up the "esque" theory? i certainly like it STILL BORED-feel free to add me,the offers still open karen_marshall1@hotmail.co.uk

Wow i havent written a journal in ages.i suppose that would make my initial"lets keep this thing going" idea was kinda....lost?oh well,everything seems to be these days. ive grown a lot this year.an awful lot. in the middle of prep for the gcses-fifth year exams-and it really sucks.yet i find myself not caring-at the worst possible time.Ive always had the perfect marks,and now,when such results are most important..I'm slipping.And i wonder if theres anyone out there who feels the same?Because sometimes i feel so lonely,small,insignificant...and i think,who else feels like that out there?and then i get all philosophical.Who knows what life's really about? We come to so many of our own conclusions. last night.i lay awake thinking about the boy i "love"-but then i thought,what is love?surely theres no clear cut definition of it.what i feel to be love...couldnt that be what other people would consider..a distant liking?theres no metre that measures how strongly you feel towards someone.its not like you hold hands for a certain amount of time,and wait for a red light to turn on,and people come out and say CONGRATULATIONS!YOURE OFFICIALLY IN LOVE!....so who are they to say this is just a teen thing?I may feel more intensely towards someone in the future..but it wont be the same...so how do we compare adult love to love in teenage years?Love is indefineable.I like to call it a state of the mind.A beautiful illusion.like...well,like any mental state.It is what our minds and personalities make it. ok,i know that was confusing...I'm confused MYSELF(im sure that ramble makes it clear)...but...meh. it is what you make it.And writing things helps me make sense of it,come up with new ideas... im off to stalk innocent friendlings on msn..if theyre around. anyone feel free to add me karen_marshall1@hotmail.co.uk i promise i aint a pervert..or murderer.etc. LOL