In the red Matrix car of Tan's we drive to the fast food joint we plan on eating lunch at. We pull in and we all Spot Esse's truck. 'I fucking hate Esse,' I hear Zac say. I, in surprise, ask why, 'Everyone likes him, but he's such a dick. He hits girls, cheats on all of his girlfriends and is such a douche.' I wonder about his first reason, hits girls? Most people seem to love Esse. I am not one of them. When I first moved to this dumpy little town, I befriended Bri whose family was friends with Esse's, making them friends. Bri always had it out for Esse, that was obvious, but never would admit. Who can blame her? We were thirteen. Esse, for whatever reason, singled me out that year at Bri's house in the summer time. He singled me out and gave me all the repressed sexual attention he could possibly muster. Whether it was grabbing my ass going up the stairs, or pushing himself on top of me where I lay, he had some form of expression to bestow upon me. One night we all went to a late night showing of The Da Vinci code. Being a stupid, lazy thirteen year old, I wore pajama pants. These particular pajama pants were very thin. I originally sat next to Bri, Esse sitting on the other side of her. However, Esse somehow tricked Bri into trading him seats (she was unhappy about this) and immediately began giving me attention. It started with simple flirting: grabbing at my hand, playing with the tips of my fingers, running his fingertips over my arms, then up my legs and then it became much more than what I was wanting, which was really nothing at all. Of course some side of my thirteen year old demeanor liked the attention, and the fact that it made Bri kind of jealous. Esse began grabbing and tugging at my pajama pants. The more he grabbed and felt, the more I squirmed. In the beginning I would simply move his hand back to his own lap, but after doing this a few times, he began to force his hand into mine. What is going on? I felt scared and violated. The movie was a particularly long one, or seemed to be. I sat there, agonized by his touching, wondering if Bri even noticed. He never did much, but my comfort level was at an all time low. I went back to Bri's house that night and lying in the bunk bed I claimed felt so small, so useless, and unimportant. I tried to hide it away. That never happened. I walk into the fast food joint. I am the last of the three people I am with due to talking to Mr. A in the drive thru. I walk in to find Esse, standing off to the side waiting for his order. He waits for the others to pass and in a low voice says to me, 'when you walked in, I vomited a little in my mouth from how hideous you are.' I thank him for the nice comment and crowd closer to my friends. By time I order he is gone. I try to remove his comment from my mind. He's been harassing me a bit more since school started, maybe he missed me over the summer. This really shouldn't bother me, it didn't used to. I have finally begun to feel okay about how I look again, all things considered, so why does this sink into me so hard? This is so fake high school. This is the sort of thing you read in one of those shitty pre-teen novels or see on a horribly produced MTV movie. These things aren't supposed to happen in actual life. These are the things you scoff at when they are blown out of proportion on the news. This can't be real. Quote of the Day: "~Without music life would be a mistake."~ --Nietzsche