I listen to a certain a album and I'm almost immediately flung into a past period in my life. The Shepherd's dog is the most recent period defined by certain music. I listened to non-stop it seemed in Arkansas. It was my driving album because it calmed me to sing to it while driving. I took it to the House one night and they all too fell in love with the album. I listened to a song from it because a friend had added it to his profile and I didn't so much long for that time, but I felt connected to it. Not in really a happy or sad way, just a sentimental way I suppose. Other albums/artists that take on certain periods time are like this; Chiodos- Bone Palace; depressed over a lost love, winter time Blink 182- Self Titled album- 4th-5th grade, discovering a band on my own that I like, this band in more ways than one defined my music taste from this point in my life on out. My Chemical Romance - Three Cheers- 6th grade, sitting on my bedroom floor drawing or writing, trying to figure out who I wanted to be. Feeling ostracized and unfitting, wanting to become braver. Trying to expand my musical tastes. Iron & Wine- Our Endless Numbered Days; time in my room on the computer mostly. Thinking a great deal, trying to solve my problems without the help of others, wanting to build better relationships. Brand New - Jude Law and a Semester Abroad music video; sitting in my living room watching endless hours of music videos on Fuse, getting lost in music and enjoying every moment of it. And the list goes on. It seems that just about every part of my life has at least one artist that I listened to heavily and that influenced my perception at that time. I don't really have much else to say, I need to get some things done and finish making a cake for my step father's birthday. Quote of the Day: ~“Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.” -- Henry Van Dyke

It's time to make a list! I figure if I put in on a site I use daily I will be more likely to get things done. My other lists work and all, I just think this one will be better. So every time I log on here I will think about my journal at least once and then feel guilty thus completing my list. (I hope) Okay, here we go... Tonight: 1.) Finish rewriting the letter, stamp it. 2.) Paint butterflies 3.) Try to write in novel/la even if you don't feel up to it. 4.) Don't allow yourself to be sidetracked by people talking to you, explain nicely you really need to do this. If they fight you on it, block their asses. (seriously, you know who you're thinking about) 5.) Write in your new project. 6.) Read Tomorrow Morning: 1.) Drink coffee 2.) Spray paint puzzle pieces before Dar comes over. 3.) Read before Dar comes over 4.) Put load of towels in the wash 5.) Pick up room 6.) Have lunch 7.) Walk with Dar to the post office to mail stamped letter(s) Sunday: 1.) Coffee 2.) Pick up room 3.) Open blinds, turn lights off 4.) Read 5.) Have lunch 6.) Start on puzzle piece sculpture 7.) Write in novel/la 8.) Search google images for painting inspiration 9.) Call your sister It may seem a little weird that I'm putting 'eat lunch' in them, but I usually forget to eat lunch and then I get shaky from have coffee with nothing to eat.(like I am right now, hah) Let's hope this turns out. Have a good Friday. Quote of the Day: ~“One of the secrets of getting more done is to make a TO DO List every day, keep it visible, and use it as a guide to action as you go through the day.”~ --Jean de La Fontaine seemed like I should keep in the subject^

I am so utterly afraid to die. Last night as I tried to sleep I thought about death and the afterlife, and for a second I thought about how I might not remember anything. Not Dar, Camden, Trev, Suss, Ali, Oli, movies, books, words, songs, melodies, nothing. And for a few seconds I was absolutely paralyzed with fear. I could move my legs and I could hardly breathe I was so terrified. I calmed down of course, but I just realized that no matter how happy or found I am I will always be afraid. Sometimes I feel like I've come to terms with death. I come to the conclusion that it will happen and I should just be happy and live my life and not worry. But then I usually think about it one day offhandedly, like last night, and just start the whole cycle over again starting with fear. Yesterday was Dar's birthday. I hope he had a really nice one, he says he did, and he seemed to have a good time. I wore a skirt to school. I wore it like an umpire dress with a red square cut shirt under it. I looked nice and Dar liked how I looked. It was sunny and warm, around 63 actually. I just wish I could shed those thoughts of death, just forever. I just wish I could live and that is all, just live. But if I did that I would lose my questioning quality and then I don't think life would be the same anyway. I know it's a primitive thought, but I don't want things to change. I don't want people to die or change or leave I just want things to stay. But at the same time we need change. I just sometimes think about how no matter what I do I will still die. There is no getting around it. Whether I change the world or do great things, I am still going to die. Gosh, there are a lot of things I need to do. I need to make another list. Quote of the Day: ~“It is foolish to pretend that one is fully recovered from a disappointed passion. Such wounds always leave a scar.”~ --Henry Wadsworth Longfellow PS- ash, I wrote you a letter, but I need to rewrite it and mail it. I am soooo sorry.

I've come to the conclusion that wet popcorn smells horrible and I should write in here more. As of late, I am ill. It was my fault for playing on the the snow mountain with Jared though, so I can't really whine about it. I'm feeling better though and have been drinking plenty of fluids. There has been a bit of drama in my somewhat social circle, which usually when that happens I just ditch but I stuck around this time because I actually cared. I even went as far as to call out the drama starter, which blew up more than I expected (all of facebook too, no wonder..guh) and I partially feel like karma bit me in the ass for it because I woke up at 8am today instead of 6am. I was 30 minutes late to 1st hour, and I sincerely hope it counted as a tardy and not half a day. It won't ruin my perfect attendance either way, but I'd still rather have a tardy. I went to the city on Friday and bought a new pair of Pumas and -gasp- heels. I used to wear heels every single day in 8th grade and I miss them. I'm fretting a bit over wearing them to school, but I'm going stick a pair of flats in my tote and hope for the best. I'm making a C in chem, which is horrible! It's all because of this lousy Quest I failed because I kept confused Ca with C since I decided to be arrogant and breeze through the test. I'm hoping things will patch up with our upcoming chemical reactions test and the extra credit I will do soon. Well, that's all I have to say for now, have a good evening everyone! Quote of the Day: ~"Beware the fury of a patient man."~ --John Dryden