So wow, I haven't journal since November, and I can't begin to describe how weird that is. I just..I don't need this anymore. I can live without it, not that I don't want it, I just don't need it, you know? I prefer being the reader as of late. I wasn't going to write today (even though it's on my to-do list)but I was reading AllChokedUp's journal and heard that song be Mr. Jesse Lacey and Kevin Devine(who I secretly love) and felt so freaking inspired. So yeah, lately I've been insanely busy. When I'm not with friends(?) I'm with Dakota, and when I'm not with him I'm babysitting, when I'm not babysitting I'm trying to get things done, and when I'm not doing that I'm sleeping. So yeah, I've been busy. Christmas drained me in a good way and the weather has gone wacky. I've been chilling in my living space all day checking things off my to-do list and feeling good about life. Just, when I think about my life this sense of clam just engulfs me and I feel so fucking good. I can't even describe it..it's so blue. Like my memories, but you won't get that, and I don't want you to. Just know that blue is good, and life is good. The day before yesterday I organized my room completely. I even organized my closet and I realized I have a lot of clothes I don't wear. So, I'm going to see which ones I can make work and the others I'm going to try to donate to charity or give them to someone who needs them more then my closet does. Hah,I just wrote a poem, haven't done that in years. I actually stumbled across some old poetry of mine the other night and while a lot of it was hit and miss, I was pretty proud of a few of them. I forgot how good it feels just to write small things like that. So, wow, life has been good, I don't really know where to start? My self esteem issues are at a rock bottom, but I can only go up from here, right? And there's something comforting about that feeling. I have a few friends? even though sometimes it just feels so fake and wrong to me that I just want to hide. I went to church last Sunday and made some great point, I guess. I was just telling what I knew. They were pretty cool, but I felt like such a fake and so wrong. I know they all assumed I was Christian and I'm not sure how'd they feel if they knew I wasn't? Yet, I'm not too sure I care either. I feel good coming home from church, like sunny, but not because of religion, just because all those people are so content with their lives and their god and their belief that it feels good to be around them. Dakota and I couldn't be better, I don't think. Everything seems to be going right, right now. Not that it will always be that way, I know, but not feels good and blue. In this video someone yells out 'fuck yeah!' and it feels so painfully beautiful to me. Just the way he yells it with such passion, like he really means it. He doesn't care if he's cursing, he's in the moment. He's there. Alright, I'm going to start rambling, so let's just pretend I said something coy and beautiful and end it here, okay? Thanks. Quote of the Day: ~"What we are living with is the result of human choices and it can be changed by making better, wiser choices." --Robert Redford Happy late Holidays everyone! Hope you all had a good one and stayed safe!