Why is it that in all movies there is always a big fight then they make up via a heart spilling moment? As if every movie is implanting things must get worse before they get better. Littering spectrums of hope in our lives. Is it better to say too much then to say nothing at all? What if by saying too much you ruin it. Is that better than never taking the risk in the first place? Why is it I write words without the first letter, than go back and write the first letter. (in actual handwriting) it's rather odd. Why is it everyone is searching for the one? People always say things like "I've been searching for someone like you my entire life"? Why don't we learn to enjoy our own company? Why are we so desperate for companionship? We all die alone anyway. Why is it stupid people have so much fun and are always happy? Intelligent lead such different lives. They worry about real problems and have actual concerns. Why aren't I just blissfully stupid? Why does no one appreciate the little things? Like the stars. How much more amazing does it get? These gigantic balls of burning gas millions of miles away are shining so brightly, lighting an otherwise blank sky with beauty. We should take comfort in the stars, what loyal friends they are. Why are we so wrapped up in the little things like parties, reality TV, gossip, and petty such? When was the last time you appreciated a beautiful sunset? Not because you were with your "gf/bf" but just because it was beautiful. When did you last look around and say "wow, what an amazing world we live in" ? Instead you sit on your ass watching Tila Tequila rotting your brain to the core. Go do something! Go have an intelligent conversation, go read an amazing work of literature, go listen to the wind blow! Why did we stop writing? Where have all the good writers gone? All the ideas? Am I just blind? What has happened? For all you know you could have been the next Hemingway, or Einstein, or Aristotle! Instead you sit around watching shit television, gossiping, bitching about petty shit, like not getting to go that party this weekend, or how that cute guy doesn't like you, or how you need to lose 20 lbs. To be frank, no one gives a fuck. If that's all your life consists of then you need to A) change B) kill yourself. You are the reason this world sucks. For all you lazy Americans out there, go do something! Go make history! We have lost this country to apathy! We are based off of Locke's ideas...one of his key points being that if the gov. is not looking out for the people, then it is to be overthrown. our government definitely does not give two shits about us, and we all know we need a revolution. Ben Franklin once said that a country should have a revolution every 100 years our country is what, 200 years old? we should have had 2 revolutions by now..but we haven't. why? because the American people are too shoved up their own asses to give a fuck. We have lost this once great country to apathy. If you are agreeing with any of this in the slightest sense, then please. Do something! Make a website, write out your ideas, tell your friends, just do something. I realize I sound like a hypocrite because of my entries. I vent in this journal..but this is what most my thoughts are usually like. Questions that can't really be answered and drive myself mad with these ideas no one seems to care about. If yo have some sort of want to convey your thoughts to me on this sort of thing email me. its-all-under-the-table@hotmail.com If you have a site you want me to join I'm more than happy to. Please, if you are out there with ideas similar to mine, contact me! I'm drowning in apathy. [this was written around..5am, there's a second smaller part I'll post at a later time] Quote of the Day: ~"A happy man is too satisfied with the present to dwell too much on the future."~ --Einstein sorry for the impossibly long entry.

With all the different ways I act and think, I should have multiple personalities. I change on an hourly basis. I'm currently listening to a cover of 'I just died in your arms tonight' It's pretty good. His voice is kind of whiny, but it matches this song. I'm really looking forward to leaving Saturday morning. I'm going to get fucked up this summer. I hope so at least. I'm sure my sister will let me try stuff, but I don't know if she'll let me try LSD. I hope so. I'm a pretty good kid, to be honest. I hardly do any wrong. I usually obey my parents wishes. I just want to forget about all this shit that's happening. I know that won't fix things, so don't try to feed me a line. I just want to cut loose and have some fun, for once. I went to a show the other night. I only went to see Arnol, who was in town for the show. It turned out to be quite fun. I met an old friend, Dea, I knew him a few years ago. When I was still good friends with Tany. He was friends with her older brother. He looked good, he had bulked down. It was nice seeing him again, we talked a lot. Arnol and I met this awesome paramedic, we discussed conspiracies theories and such. It was great. He was really intelligent, which gives me hope i won't grow up and be surrounded by morons. He was also a little crazy. Arnol and I agreed that was probably why we like him so much. He was intelligent and crazy just like us. I think I might make a joural to keep while I'm away. I don't plan on getting online much, if at all. I still need an outlet though. I like making books. Well, small ones. It's fun to decorate the covers. I might take up writing again. Maybe I'll record my summer experiences. Or make a character and base their experiences off of mine..only make it much better. haha. Like an alter ego I guess, I've never tired that. I see a lot of people doing that..so it must have some sort of fun in it. I was suppose to have driver's ed this week, but I told them to reschedule it for when school starts. I want to enjoy my last week with my friends. I'm going over to Ale's tomorrow. I've never talked about her. I call her trashman..she's pretty awesome. I'm excited. Her mom will be out of town. Then I'll see Arnol on Friday, kind of like a going away sort thing..I don't know. He just said he wanted to see me again before I left. I still feel extremely lonely, but I'm trying to enjoy my own company like I used to. i don't know..I'm in a really laid back mood right now, so nothing seems like a big deal. I'm sure in an hour or two it will kick in again..hah I emailed this girl..I don't know if she'd appreciate me dropping her name..so I'll just call her MS. She does portraits with adobe illustrated. I asked if she could do mine and she did. It looks great. I'll post it..but if it's too big I'll probably erase it later. Click on it to see the full image.. That's what I look like, so if you wanna stalk me, you know what I look like. =] haha Quote of the Day: ~"Like as the waves make towards the pebbled shore, So do our minutes hasten to their end."~ --Shakespeare