In Van Gogh's 'The Harvest' he depicts crops and farm land. If you have ever read 'the high yellow note' you will understand this very well. If not, well, bear with me. The high yellow note comes from the time of day it was when he'd paint. The sun was high up in the sky making the crops shine so brightly. Early in the morning around 4 am. .(summer time) there is the most beautiful shade of blue right before sunrise. It's light but it's dark, it feels low and smooth. It's so subtle and wondrous. It only lasts about 15 minutes though. For that short time it feels as though the whole world just stops. It's so great. I call it The Low Blue Note. I remember staying with Tany in the summer. She lives on a lake. Her side porch leads down to a sandy hill going to the water. There is a small deck back there. I remember staying up all night with her and some other friends and then just slipping outside for those 15 beautiful minutes, sitting on the steps of the deck and just staring up. Some days I'd set an alarm and sneak downstairs to watch it, her dad would be up some days. He'd have coffee made. It was odd, though I remember drinking coffee beside him during that time, I don't recall ever speaking to him. I remember just looking up in the sky and feeling so surrounded and comforted by the low blue note. Staring up at the endless sky, it was so calming. I'd finish my coffee and go back to sleep. Those were the most peaceful nights I'd have, after my fifteen minutes with the sky. If you are ever outside around 4 in the morning, just look up and see the black fade to navy, and turn into the low blue note. Maybe you won't enjoy like I do, but it really is beautiful. Quote of the Day: ~"For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream."~ --Vincent Van Gogh

Cause And Effect the best often die by their own hand just to get away, and those left behind can never quite understand why anybody would ever want to get away from them Joel annoys me so deeply. I never say anything to him about it. It's not worth it. If I go to delete him from MSN I feel so endlessly bad about it. I'm too empathetic all I can think is 'what if that happened to me, I would feel really rejected and bad.' So, I don't delete him. I'm nice to him, if he talks to me I talk back. It's funny though he has no idea how much I dislike him. He thinks I like him so much, and he acts so arrogant about it. He tries to make me jealous by his girlie friend. I can't help but laugh though, she's such an ogre. He goes on and on about how pretty she is and such. I just sit back and laugh. If only he knew what a fool he makes of himself. He thinks of me as naive and stupid. He thinks I have no experience in life at all. When in reality I have lived so much more than he has. Perhaps it is wrong that I let him make a fool of himself day after day. I don't care though, he has become my own personal jester. He just doesn't know it. Quote of the Day: ~“Boring damned people. All over the earth. Propagating more boring damned people. What a horror show. The earth swarmed with them.”~ -Charles Bukowski (yes, I'm getting into Bukowski again. The poem was by him, by the way.)

Something has gotten into me lately. I want it out, now. My stomach drops to someone who it should most defiantly not drop to, there is nothing there , there will be nothing there, it is implausible, unrealistic, and I respect this person very much. I can't sleep. I can't eat, when I do have enough of an appetite to eat I feel disgusting. (not in like an 'I'm so fat, thing, because I'm not.) I'm twitchy, shakey, nervous, anxious, all of the above. I can barely type. I can't even win a game of solitaire or chess because I make foolish decisions. I feel impulsive and spazzy. I can't hold still. I'm tapping, I'm counting, I'm making lists..I'm moving. I feel overwhelmed. I feel a little crazy to be honest. I get goose flesh all the time. It's annoying and I can't make it stop. I feel cold when I'm over heated. I have headaches constantly. What has gotten into me? Quote of the Day ~"Colour is the key. The eye is the hammer. The soul is the piano with its many chords. The artist is the hand that, by touching this or that key, sets the soul vibrating automatically." -Wassily Kandinsky

It's funny how we always talk about loved ones that have left in past tense. Even if they aren't fully gone yet. I noticed that tonight. Is it because we think that they are already gone, so they are part of the past, that they will become part of the past. Making them past tense though would make them dead. ie; he was the only one I cared for..etc.. Has he died? Did he take a trip somewhere and never return? No, that's doubtful. They are still there. Perhaps it's just because they are gone to us, they aren't apart of our lives anymore or we aren't apart of theirs. Either way, we still past tense them. Is that like a final thing, to past tense someone. I hereby past tense you. Begone. Hm... Quote of the Day: ~I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it"~ -Pablo Picasso (I guess I can use quotes I've already used now. Sine none of you can look back if it bugs you..unless you saved my journal on your computer somehow..which would be weird. I wonder who I'm talking to since I used the term 'you' Yes, you there..behind the computer..did you save my journal somehow? No?...okay good... It's way too late at night..why can't I just be tired?)

I deleted all my entries. I was sick of seeing all of them. I was tired of the temptation to look at old ones and think back to a time when I was happier. I will be happy now. I will live in the present and only the present. (or at least try.) I had a pretty good day. I told Camden I would let things go and have a good day. I did it! I'm rather proud that I let go so easily. I had a snow day today. I'm also having one tomorrow. It's nice to have school off, but there is no snow to play in.. just ice. Have a great week everyone. Quote of the Day: ~"You mustn't always believe what I say. Questions tempt you to tell lies, particularly when there is no answer. " -Pablo Picasso [8335923] [agent Octavia]me [agent Hughes]him