I hate him. I love him. I want him. I want him gone. Я не могу живо, он сделал это ко мне

Why is it that artsists seek to find beauty in ugly things? Why do we seek to love again when our ex's hurt us so bad? Is it because we are determained? Do we have an underlying compulsion to be drawn to things to make the world seem better than what we feel it to really be? Is this something that is learned or inevidably lived out by every "normal" individual that walks thru life? Do we really know...anything? Well i do have to say the world is what you make it. I walk around and choose to seek beauty in things perviously discarded as ugly, cliche i know. However, choose is the key word in that sentence. We choose. There is no thing that is "meant to be" in part. Yes some things are inevidable the things out of our control. But we must take steps to bvetter the world other than taking a passive look at whats already there in front of us. YOU and I must activly pursue beauty, peace, love, life. I don't know where i;m going wiith this or anything so i'm out for now. BTW sorry for spelling errors i can be pretty incopitent when it comes to spelling ( so much for private education =P)