well, turns out the new boy is a creep so i'm over it. i like to think it just worked out that way, because i'm meant to be with Chris?..yeah, i'll stick to that reason for now. Well, it's sort of a bummer that my flight leaves tomorrow to see Chris but i have to stay one more night away from him, and it seems like that one night will be the one night that will really tear me apart worse then all the other nights. ironic. well, i got in a shit load of trouble this week. and in all honesty i'm feeling extremly lazy. extremly dull. extremly lacking in wittyness/creativity. so writing in this blog is doing more harm then good. God bless, and may everything that transpires while i'm on my trip go according to the Lord's plan, whom i trust in with my life, my everything.

hah, i am neurotic. i always wondered since my family are literal sociopaths, how that would effect me? i must be crazy to some extent as a result right? well yeah, i am, and i finally just figured out how. BOYS. hah. i think i crave the love of boys because i can't find in my father, or my family to be any less specific. i love em' and leave em' well, i do love chris. but then there this new boy i just met, and well... he's great in so many other ways. besides his over use of the word - babe. he's really quite witty, and i love a boy with wit. a boy that can keep up with my sarcasm and charm. ;) well, here i am thinking Chris is my number one, my true love, thinking that i couldn't leave with out him, well..maybe i can. and it's funny how a new love interest opens up your mind to how much you truly do care about a person. and now i see that i really am young, nieve, and immature when it comes to love. and well, that's a pretty sucky relization. i'm not sure if i still want to tell chris i love him when i see him. i don't want to regret saying it, most importantly though, i don't want to say it, and then get into deep with him and hurt him. He is the only boy that has ever made me so nervous i couldn't breathe, he's the only boy who ever bought a book for, he is the one boy that i truly care for more then anything...well if that's true, then i why am i here, thinking about this other boy? his not so great counterpart. Well the thing is, this boy lives here. no distance to seperate us. this boy, is strong, and manly, and witty. this boy is funny, and keeps me fighting for him. and Chris, well, he's an easy mark. crapppp. 3 words to describe myself. Cold. Hard. Bitch. And this situation reminds me so much of a song, that just so happens to be named after me: I thought you were the one But I was wrong cause you've already left And I hope that you miss me tonight Chelsea And I hope that you miss me tonight Chelsea A year ago we met And I never would've guessed That you'd mean so much to me But those brown eyes drove me crazy And at the time everything was going wrong But you made everything seem alright So now I wonder where you are On this cold November night I thought you were the one But I was wrong cause you already left And I hope that you miss me tonight Chelsea And I hope that you miss me tonight Chelsea I had to leave that night Cause I knew something wasn't right We held eachother as the night came to an end But all I could think about was your boyfriend If he only knew the things that you've done and said And that you were lying here with me in this bed Because I live so far away Is why you chose him that day I thought you were the one But I was wrong cause you already left And I hope that you miss me tonight Chelsea And I hope that you miss me tonight Chelsea Tonight I don't know where you are But I know where you should be So here I am all alone When you should be with me Chelsea This is how i feel, about Chris. I will only choose Corey over Chris, because the distance is too much for me. It tests my heart enough as it is.. =/