So summer is kinda winding down. I have to go back to school on the 2nd because volleyball starts on the 3rd. Fucking..ughhh. I really don't want to try out for varsity. Its just too stressful and I honestly don't give a shit about sports. I just want to have fun with my life. Like yesterday..I played basketball with Mariah, Emmet, and Haze. That was fun, but competitive sports just stress me out. I'm excited to see everyone at school..like Eli, Vickie, Jeff, Paul (maybe), Henry, Peter, and even Hanson. Its going to be sooo weird not seeing Bernardo all year. He is going to be in nyc for the first semester and I'm going to be in Tasmania for the second one. He drove me absolutely crazy sometimes last year but he's such a good friend and so easy to talk to. I swear, I dump all my stupid pointless shit that nobody else cares about on him and he actually listens and gives me advice. This year is just going to be weird without a bunch of my friends. Kaya and Laura are going to France and Jesse is going to Italy. We'll see what happens.

So I was sitting around the campfire at Rockin the Rivers, a huge 3 day rock concert in my town, drinking intensitea and a monster to stay awake. I wasn't planning on getting drunk, because I was still hungover from the night before. I was talking to my friend Alex, and I was kinda in a glum mood considering I needed to break up with my boyfriend because we have nothing in common and I accidentally cheated on him. A few of our neighboring campers came over and talked to Jason for a while. After about 15 minutes, one of them walked up to me and said "That guy's cool (pointing at Jason) but you two are just really facetious so I'm gonna go back to our campsite." Then he held his lighter up to my face and said "You were right, Travis, she is hot, but she looks really preppy." and he sat down on the cooler next to me. I was just like holy shit...what a judgmental prick! Then he started to play his friend's guitar and I asked him if he knew any Dispatch songs and he said "Woah..you like dispatch? They're like my favorite band." and we got to talking and he basically realized that his first impressions of me were completely off. Then pretty soon he was putting the moves on me and I was like "noo I have a boyfriend." but we sat in the back of his truck for a while and talked and he is one of the sweetest, chillest guys I've ever met. We have sooo much in common and I think I am crazy about him. He sang and played Bang Bang by Dispatch for me. He gave me his sweatpants because I was cold. He helped me out with my boyfriend troubles. When I said I didn't want to sleep in his tent (I hate touching people when I'm trying to sleep) he suggested we just stay up all night to hang out. And he's effing cute.

I like writing journal entries on this site. I don't normally "blog" but when I was at school I would write in my journal almost every night. My roommate and I had "journal parties." But this feels nicer than writing in a journal because there's a possibility that some completely random person is reading it, and that this random person might actually care. Maybe I'm just crazy. Maybe nobody is even going to read this. Or even worse, maybe somebody is reading this and honestly doesn't give a shit. I wish I had something really interesting and profound to say. But all I can think of is my hicktown drama that clouds my life. My friend's abusive boyfriend, my friend's cheating boyfriend, my friend who thinks her boyfriend is cheating on her with me, and of course that boy I just can't get out of my head even though I have a boyfriend. I barely even know him. I remember the night I first saw him. I was going to a party with my ex and he was just sitting there on the couch, drinking a beer. I immediately wished I was single. He was, and still is, absolutely stunning. I saw him again the next day at the same place, which was on New Years Eve. However, I don't remember any of this. Several people recalled it to me the next day. I was completely trashed. I flirted with him shamelessly, right in front of my boyfriend. He didn't want to start any drama, so he left. Several months later he got in a car accident, driving drunk, and was in a coma. Luckily, he woke up. The first time I saw him after that was this summer. He was very friendly, very flirty, and I couldn't stop thinking about him. A few weeks later, I was at a party with him, and we hooked up. At first I was disgusted with myself because I had told myself not too hook up with him. Now, I look back on the memory fondly. =) It was the best hook up I've ever had. I've never felt so strongly for a guy before..even my current boyfriend. His name is always on the tip of my tongue, even though I don't dare talk about him in front of anyone. Has anyone else ever had this feeling?

Posting a myspace blog would be way too public, so I am just going to vent right here about the things in my life that are driving me craaazyy at the moment. So I've had this friend since I was 5. In elementary school we got in a lot of little fights and pretty much hated eachother but in 5th grade we became "bestest" friends. And she has been one of my closest friends since. Let's call her "Mary." About two years ago she began dating this guy whom I will name "Dick." Dick is unattractive: Scruffy black hair, a big, broken nose, a loud, obnoxious voice, a thick neck, and man boobs. Mary is a beautiful, thin but curvy, blonde girl who deserves much more than Dick. A few months into the relationship, Dick cheated on Mary with those gross girl from a different town. The next week he called her in tears and told her. They broke up for a while but got back together at homecoming several months later. On New Years Eve, Dick "deflowered" Mary's rose. That very same night, he cheated on her again. Nobody found out until 6 months later, including Mary. However, Mary decided to stay with Dick despite her friends' urges to dump the bastard and get with a guy she deserves. Yesterday, Mary told her 3 closest friends, including me, that she was angry with us for trying to break her and Dick up, and that if she had to choose between us and Dick, she would choose Dick. I AM SO ANGRY. I have been there for her through thick and thin. We are like sisters. She even calls my dad "Dad." I hope anyone who reads this sees where I'm coming from. All I ever did was care for her, and try and protect her like a sister should! And what do I get for platonically loving her? Tossed aside like a dirty diaper. What the fuck happened to chicks before dicks? Problem number 2: I am no longer attracted to my boyfriend. I mean, I enjoy hanging out with him and he is a very nice guy and I love his family and my family loves him and even better, my friends love him! I mean, he is one of the sweetest guys I know. He even reads Cosmo with me. But I often find my mind wandering. Take yesterday: He called me while I was chatting on aim with an old fling of mine. I was having more fun flirting with the old fling, so when my cell phone ran out of batteries, I made no effort to look for the charger. I find my boyfriend's much older, very much TAKEN, brother attractive. But even worse than the old fling and the brother is a certain boy who we will call..."September." He is the boy I almost cheated on my last boyfriend with. Earlier this summer we had a very heated and dunken hookup which we have not yet discussed. He is absolutely gorgeous. Every time I see him I get wobbly knees and I can barely talk. And...he is in love with another of my closest friends, who is not in love with him. I am so sick of being obsessed with him, because my independence is something I value more than anything, and he makes me feel dependent. All I want to do is go to a completely new town and meet completely new people. That is why I cannot wait until February..Tasmania, here I come.