fuck that playing a new instument nu way anway back at school and its okay actually people keep saying that they're anorexic and its pissing me off im confused about it and theres this one girl who will remain anonymous and she keeps saying stuff like yeah blahblahblahblah im starving myself for different reasons what a piss take but she is crazy she smokes crack so i think im going to keep my distance which is hard! we used to go out and then she tried to kill herself and said it was because of me but we got really close although she thinks that following me around will bring us closer it will not ughhhhhhhhhh but i do like her not in that way but just a friend shes just really sweet ah well i am actually v v v nervous about getting into that art school i dont even know if i want to do it aghh i wish i didnt have to make any decisions the finish line isnt getting any closer and that person that waits there is getting further and further away hopefully october will provoke a well-timed change and WOO samhain=excitment baii xxx

HAIII harry potter was actually really good albeit the death of three of my favourite characters!!!! well there was no avoiding voldemorts death but it still made me sad the revelation that snape was as weak as the rest was upsetting and he died so that was a bit of a bummer and then fred! i couldn't believe that i love those twins but the nineteen years later bit was really cheesy did not enjoy that i think she should have left the ending open but yer amazing series i am soo happy its summer holidays today i just popped round to the dark room to develop some photos and thennn visited gosha to add a little more to the canvas i'm painting and then tomorrow its my friends birthday but we'll all go to camden on saturday morning etc some really weird stuffs been happening today i was walking down my road which is always empty and i started to hear this voice, this really guttural harsh voice calling my name so i turned around and i saw a fucking crow just staring at me ha and last night i was at a rave and i turned around and there was this child dressed as a clown sitting on the floor but i was pushed forward by somebody and just walked right through him and lastly some part of me finds cruelty to weaker things fun and i do it, do it just to satisfy the urge you know give in to temptation and its really bad but it feels really good and sexy and stuff to have somebody beneath me im controlling somebody could do anything i want but then the trance breaks and i'm back and not weird any more i'll grow out of everything i always do find something new to amuse me learn to play an instrument or something ahh. well. bai xxxx

halloww first post yay journals on the internet i never kept a journal never needed to but i'm bored :3 so haii okay, i'll tell you what i did today well, it was the last day of school so there was no uniform and i was just wearing a tshirt and jeans and hoodie but some were like wearing tutus and dresses and neon shit and i haaaaate that neon thing ugh anyway there were no lessons except from double design tech so i just made a card and gave it to my friend whose leaving and her leaving party is this friday but i really dont want to go because its at the lido and i just dont swim i hate it i dont even like wearing a swim suit maybe i'll just go and not swim that will be fine wont it? hopefully because theres another party at a lido and its just so boring why cant we go out or something go to soho etc maybe i wont show up anyway after school me and a friend went to see harry potter which i loved except i was with my friend sadia and there were these two girls at the front who hate us and i think we hate them and they were all kissing and making out just to rub it in our faces and giving us dirty looks but we ignored them they hate us because i went out with the girls other best friend and dumped her for sadia but then i dumped her for their best friend again and then dumped the best friend again hehehe hehh yer... but they dont have to hate me for it it was just a mistake after all sadia has forgiven me but shes on drugs half of the time so i dont know if i value her opinion that much agh well well baii xxx