So I was right about the Matt asking me out thing. Turns out, Chinese food was code for him giving me a black dwarf bunny. When he gave it to me, he said he thought I was rad...which goes waaaay back to before we started dating when I said that saying I love you was over rated, so if I ever really loved someone, I would tell they them I thought they were rad. So he used my own line against me. He doesn't love me though. I know it, I'm not the lovable kind of girl. It's just not something that will ever work out for me, and I'm cool with that. But I feel bad, because I'm stringing him along apparently. I'm just confused. When someone does that big of a gesture for you, you almost feel like you have to date them because you owe them. And it's a ridiculous feeling. I'm ridiculous (Girl, the back o' yo' head is ridicalous!). Anyways, I know I said once I get a bunny I'll start dating, but I don't feel like it. Maybe I'll wait until my braces are off. Lmao, I can wait over a year. Oh, by the way, my bunny is named Puddles, and he's adorable. He now eats out of my hand. I wish Jake lived in town. Honest to God, that kid could keep me entertained for hours. I'm gonna marry that boy in Vegas one day.

My box is falling apart, and I have terrible cramps. All I want to do is get in my jammies, curl up on the couch, and read Harry Potter. But I can't do that because for some reason Matt's coming over to give me Chinese food. What the fuck? I don't understand! He's got this plan I guess, and Christa's in on it, so I'm scared. And now I'm sitting here waiting for him. If we were still dating, I'd be using this time to make sure everything looked perfect. I'd probably even clean the bathroom. But since we're not dating, I don't feel like putting in any effort. I have a feeling he's about to ask me out again, and that terrifies me. I don't know why. I'm freaked right out, and I just want to take a bath and let my cramps deteriorate. *sigh* men ruin things for me. I went to the pet store today, and they have 3 adorable black dwarf bunnies still. Hopefully tomorrow I can get one. I can't wait until this night is over.

So I've basically wasted this whole 3 day weekend trying to write a goddamn essay. I seriously want to kick Harper Lee in the box right now. I'm almost done, but I've got major writer's block. I never actually talked about the concert yet, so here goes: IT WAS INCREDIBLE! Christa and I made 3 friends there, and one has myspace (thank God, not enough people have it). It was raining almost all day, so we got soaked waiting in line. When we got into the venue, we went to the merch booth and it was insane. I got a Hush Sound shirt and it's amazing. Anyways, Phantom Planet played, and they were actually pretty decent. Christa was screaming the lyrics to California. It was pretty funny. We fought our way closer to the stage but it was pretty freaking packed. The Hush Sound were amazing, and so were Motion City Soundtrack. Except Christa and I almost fainted in the crowd. Too much heat and pressure from all sides. I was basically soaking in mine and other people's sweat. It was disgusting. So we got out of the crowd to rest against the bar. The bartender was a saint for giving us water. I couldn't take being that drenched, so I blow-dried my hair in the bathroom under a hand dryer and changed my shirt. Anyways, Panic played but it was hard to see, so Christa gave me a piggyback. Ryan Ross looked incredible, and I wasn't disappointed at all. Seems like he's the only guy not disappointing me these days. That's pathetic. Anyways, they played Folkin' Around and Lying Is The Most Fun... so I was happy. All in all, it was amazing. I don't know why I keep almost passing out at concerts though. I guess I'm not as durable as I used to be lol. Anyway, back to the essay so my English teacher doesn't have my head. I need summer.

So that last outburst was a little more than embarrassing. I need to learn how to keep my tongue in check, like how I keep about how I feel for you. I'm sorry. I still wish I could forget you, part ways like the Red Sea. We just need a man in a robe. 'Let my people go' kinda thing. I'll learn to take my deathgrip off your heart, it's not really fair anyways. Too bad it's all I'm good at. We need Dares to stay in contact, forget the Truths. I surprise and shame myself by still hoping you show up. I want to hear you like a raindrop appearing on my roof, and like the dog next door barking himself hoarse all night. That can't be ignored; it keeps me up. You keep me up. There's no love in Mockingbird - it's the story of our lives. I don't want to watch your eyes in the fireworks, or follow your footsteps in the snow. I don't need you, I can burn bridges myself. Keep your matches, dear.

Ugh fuck my life! I'm so pissed off, and I have no idea why. Why can't I just be normal? Why do I have to be so melodramatic? I'm sure I'm fine. I'm sorry I'm not the best thing for you. I know I hurt you. I'm sorry I did. But honest to God, grow a fucking pair! Ugh you both make me angry, but you're the closest things I have. I'm so embarrassed. Forget the mint, I wish I was done with you.

So today was kinda cool. I didn't have to go to first period because our drama class had this workshop for Commedia Dell Arte. In simplest explanations, it was this old hairy guy from Toronto with pit stains showing us how to act out each character. Fun stuff, I got to jump into Christa's arms. I really hate science class. My teacher's a prick who wears khaki pants and forgets my name. I hate khaki pants. Lol, and my drama teacher called me Shellorna yesterday, but to be fair, her and I kind of look alike I guess. And today, my English teacher spelt my name wrong. Is my name seriously that difficult? Oh well, I'm just glad my name isn't Lafawnduh, although that would be kind of cool, in a purely amusing way. There's a new kid at my school. He's pretty. He makes Christa and I ecstatic lol. Tomorrow is the Panic! (oh, my bad, it's just Panic now) At The Disco concert!!! I'm excited, but I feel so lonely. I need a boy, or a bunny. The bunny sounds like less work. I'll get a bunny on Thursday if possible. I hate To Kill A Mockingbird right now. I want to watch Footloose, but I have to do an essay. Thumbs down.

So my mouth is pretty much torn up. Hurray for braces. I'm going to get a bunny tomorrow (or someday soon)!!! I'm having trouble coming up with a name though. I'm thinking Puddles or Pancake or Pumpkin. I thought about naming it Sonny, but I'm saving that gem for my first born. Lol, my white cat is lying on my bed, staring at my plush Hello Kitty. It's cute. Anywho, PATD, MCS and THS in 3 days!!! I'm SO FUCKING excited! There's also some band named Phantom Planet or something, but the only song of their's I've heard is the theme song to the O.C. And since the O.C. is pretty lame, I can't see the band being too good either. But I guess we'll find out. Mom's done school, so the music is on =] I quit Wendy's before I went to New York (the naked cowboy in Times Square grabbed my ass! lol) and I'm sort of half-job-hunting. I dislike science class: everyone is stupid and talks way too obnoxiously, none of my friends are in it, and my teacher forgot my name. Lol, he looks like Dwight from The Office. That simple fact gets me through every excruciating class. Oh well, only a month a half left of school. Huzzah!