i actually kind of like being under soo much pressure that my head genuinely feels like it is about to explode. at least im never bored, and it makes me feel like im starting to have a little bit of purpose in life. so i got some amazing news. i passed my first set of exams. and i did really well. still a bit scared to admit it cos it feels sureal. i thought i did shite but no, im in the top 20% of my year at least. i cant believe it. it has completely lifed my spirits. i feel so much more motivated to do well now. now that i know that i can do just as well as the privately educated bunch. who think they're gods gift. its wierd but i never thought that things would work out so well. haha famous last word. will probs get hit by a bus tommorow or something (touch wood)

if a person is nicer than you, prettier than you and smarter than you does it mean they deserve the person you like more than you? yes i know.. probably. it just sucks to be up against someone that is so perfect its not even woth trying. really? am i this peron now? am i this superficial? i know im not ugly,. but ive never used my apperance to get what i want? is this stupid of me? should i just go for it? nah you're right. i have more integrity than that. its not worth it just to be some girl. if he choses her over me, then we dont have as much in common as i thought and he is therefore not worth getting upset over. and im not the girl who cries over boys. i simply refuse to be that pathetic. besides i have a report on the history of the scottich fucking parliament to work on and that is clearly more imporant. aw mann, how can someone who studies as much as i do be such a fucking idiout?

do you know who i hate... all people. an old lady came into my work yesterday paniking bacause she had no money in her account, some bastard stole her identity and now she has no money in what is quite clearly scotlands coldest winter. asshole! and now i have to go back to law school and read about more bastards who litteraly get away with murder because of the stupid law. but its allright because ill be putting those asholes in jail one day. that is if i actually make it through this course. oh and having access to criminal cases has made me aware that scotland is a fucking voilent place. so when im on the tube, or the train in the evening. all i can think is that the man staring at me or the junkie in the corner is clearly going to stab me. so ive decided that if i get the grades im doing a years exchange abroad. so if my life has to be this stressfull and filled with bad people, the weather might aswell be slightly better.

ok so words cannot describe how fucking stressed i've been over the past few weeks. as it turns out, law school...not so easy. plus its a week before christmas and i'm studying rape. seriously depresing. i read this case about a woman who got gang raped in a car. when the guys left the car she drove away and got done for drunk driving. i mean seriously, its times like these that make you hate life. and thats not even the worst case ive read this week. im soo tired, and have never been this skinny in my entire life. i mean dont get me wrong most of the time i really like my life, but just occasionaly i get to the point where i hate all people and things. this is one of these times. so yeah i deleted all my old entries, got a bit fed up with myself and thought i'd start again. my last winter exam is tommorow, then i will get steamin, and then it will be christmas, there not so bad after all.