lol just found out that a man i was checkin out has a girlfriend. nice timing haha. honestly, i don't care whether or not he's taken. People break up. I know that's cruel but i hate letting things go so easily. She's pretty cute...not much else to say. I don't know anything else about her so i can't say anything. I'm not too sad or mad about it suprisingly...is that just confidence in myself or do i just not care that much about him? You always try to imagine yourself being with someone and it can be easy...mostly if u have already had a conversation with them. BUt i don't know...i'm not sure what to think. Could that be a sign? Who the fuck knows? All i kno is that i'm not worried about it. I guess that's all that counts whether i really do like him or not. Isn't life so interesting?? Anything can happen! I just can't wait to go to bed and wake up the next day to see what happens. I hope that everyone could feel that way. It's so sad how some people don't want to be in this world anymore when there is a purpose for their existence. You just have to figure out what that is. IN the meantime...ENJOY LIFE WHILE YOU CAN! :)

ahhhh...just sitting on the front porch listening to some tunes :) it's pretty damn chilly tho. ah well. ok i am so fucking pissed. My friend and i went to my work to check out this sexy server...and he wasn't there! fuck it! lol ah well. I'll see him sometime. I'm such a fuckin worryer. that's all i do when it comes to certain people. Its so stupid tho...i just want to be freakin over it. Tomorrow my buddy and i are working out. I can't wait cuz playing sports is a good way to get out my anger. Just slam the ball in someone's face. Haha i'm not that mean. Now that i think about it...isn't life great tho?! all you need is yourself and maybe one of your best buds...and there you go. Just LIVE LIFE! "4ever" Here we are so what you gonna do? Do I gotta spell it out for you? I can see that you got other plans for tonight But I don’t really care Size me up you know I beat the best Tick tock no time to rest Let them say what their gonna say But tonight I just don’t really care Come on baby we ain’t gonna live 4ever Let me show you all the things that we could do You know you wanna be together And I wanna spend the night with you Yeah, yeah with you, yeah, yeah Come with me tonight We could make the night last 4ever I’ve seen it all I’ve got nothing to prove Come on baby just make your move Follow me lets leave it all behind tonight Like we just don’t care Let me take you on the ride of your life That’s what I said alright They can say what they wanna say Cause tonight I just don’t even care Come on baby we ain’t gonna live 4ever Let me show you all the things that we could do You know you wanna be together And I wanna spend the night with you Yeah, yeah with you yeah, yeah Come with me tonight We could make the night last 4ever Lets pretend you’re mine We could just pretend, we could just pretend, yeah yeah You got what I like You got what I like, I got what you like Oh come on Just one taste and you’ll want more So tell me what your waiting for Come on baby we ain’t gonna live 4ever Let me show you all the things that we could do You know you wanna be together And I wanna spend the night with you Yeah, yeah, with you, yeah, yeah So come with me tonight We could make the night last 4ever Come on baby we ain’t gonna live 4ever Let me show you all the things that we could do You know you wanna be together And I wanna spend the night with you Yeah, yeah with you, yeah, yeah Come with me tonight We could make the night last 4ever

yea so i really feel bad for calling him a dick. I kno it's not nice but i guess that's what people do when they are upset and need to vent. It is so weird because i'm totally fine during the day. I feel perfectly content. It's just at night where it gets kinda depressing. Probably because that's when i would talk to him...at night online for hours and hours. Whatever. I need to get out. Tonight, my best friend and I are going out to eat where i work to check out this new hottie :) You know what's crazy??...this new guy reminds me alot of the old one, which is prolly why i'm attracted to him. Ah well...WHATEVER! i just need to move on. I don't want to be like my sister who is still moping around after a whole year! I would rather be single and proud of it rather than trying to get someone who doesn't even appreciate my qualities. Da Da Da Da The smell of your skin lingers on me now Your probably on your flight back to your home town I need some shelter of my own protection baby To be with myself and center clarity Peace, Serenity I hope you know, I hope you know That this has nothing to do with you It's personal, Myself and I We've got some straightenin' out to do And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket But I’ve got to get a move on with my life Its time to be a big girl now And big girls don't cry Don't cry Don't cry Don't cry The path that I'm walking I must go alone I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown, full grown Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay I hope you know, I hope you know That this has nothing to with you It's personal, Myself and I We've got some straightenin' out to do And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket But I've got to get a move on with my life Its time to be a big girl now And big girls don't cry Like the little school mate in the school yard We'll play jacks and uno cards Ill be your best friend and you'll be mine Valentine Yes you can hold my hand if you want to Cause I want to hold yours too Well be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds But its time for me to go home Its getting late, dark outside I need to be with myself and center clarity Peace, Serenity I hope you know, I hope you know That this has nothing to do with you It's personal, Myself and I We've got some straightenin' out to do And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket But I've got to get a move on with my life Its time to be a big girl now And big girls don't cry Don't cry Don't cry Don't cry La Da Da Da Da Da

god i really hate this particular person. why is he just a dick??? has anyone ever made you feel inferior?? that's definitely not a good thing. You think you're a good person and you live by your word/faith...then he thinks you're an idiot for not knowing of certain things and it all of a sudden makes you the loser. i don't know why i'm even worrying about it cuz its not even worth my time and energy...i guess you can't help but feel down when someone really does put you down. "Worrying is like a rocking chair...it gives you something to do but it gets you no where." who fucking cares about the dick! i guess time and a little distraction should help me get over him. I kind of have another love interest :) he's quite a bit older but who the fuck cares. i like them older so then they have more maturity (hopefully). don't worry...he's not like forty or anything...he's just about 6 years older. that's not bad right?? i can't wait to meet some new men in college. I'm so sick of most of the people around me. Don't get me wrong, i love my old friends but i guess that i mean some new boys. listen to me, this is ridiculous! I want to talk about New York city :) :) :) THat is my true home. I miss it soo much too. When i was there 2 years ago, i just felt that it was home no matter where i was. Let's just hope that when i move there that i don't get raped or anything. well that's all for tonight. Good night!

do u ever wonder what your special someone is thinking right this second?? even if you've never met them...yet. ladies, what could ur future husband be at this time? men, have u ever wondered what your future wives are planning for this weekend? i have this fear inside of me that i will never find "the one." that i'll make the biggest mistake of my life and end up with the wrong person. i have faith in myself and i have faith in you too. don't worry...that special someone is out there somewhere...hope you find them

yea okay..this is my fourth entry today. total loser! anyways....is there anybody out there who is terrified of their future?? we all have plans for how we want our life to turn out, but what if it doesn't? what if we end up going in the complete opposite direction?? i almost don't want to grow up. i wish that i could stay a little kid (i'm actually 18) and live in just an innocent world where my mind is always in a state of peace.I supose that all i want for myself in life is to be free. doesn't anyone?

have any of u heard of Enrque Iglesias's new song "Do You Know? (The Ping Pong Song)" ...its amazing. i was never really a fan of his because his mole always turned me off :) (sorry enrique!) Do you know what it feels like loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away? Do you know, do you know, do you know, do ya? Do you know what it feels like to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed? If birds flying south is a sign of changes At least you can predict this every year Love, you never know the minute it ends suddenly I can’t get it to speak Maybe if I knew all the things it took to save us I could fix the pain that bleeds inside of me Look in your eyes to see something about me I’m standing on the edge and I don’t know what else to give. damn it! these lyrics match my situation perfectly! he doesn't even know me...i wish he did. ah well. his loss

do i love him? nah....could i ever love him? its very possible...never give up on what's in your heart ladies!i know we have all these emotions that confuse the shit out of us...but the answer is inside of u...u just have to find it

there is the one guy who i don't get...we've talked for a long time and no matter how much i tell myself that it's never going to be, i always listen to a song that fills my mind with more hope (this is not a good thing at all). i kno he doesn't want me now but what about 5 years from now?? I know i'll be a completely different person...maybe something he wants. i know it's incredibly stupid to change yourself into something your not for some stupid guy...but human nature does not allow me to hold back. in my mind, i know we are not right for each other...in my heart, i know we are PERFECT for each other. this is some pretty shitty situation i am in huh? he is the only guy i can talk to for hours and hours and keep going...but i can't have him. i never knew what his true feelings were over the 8 months we have chatted - or over the 13 years we've known each other, but never really KNEW one another (if you know what i mean). We can have conversations that cause me to despise him for judging me...but the next day, i still feel the same way i did the first time we really spoke. is that love? i've never had that kind of love before, so i wouldn't know. will i ever know? I HAVE NO IDEA