really. who am i? i don't know who i am anymore... it's like my identity is wrapped around him. and i know my feelings are definitely defined by him. im torn. im a wreck. and i LET him do that. WHO AM I!?

love is an odd thing, isn't it?
i mean, think about it. people always talk about how they wish they could find love or fall into it, or do one thing or another with it. always the good, never the bad.
when it comes down to it, like copeland says in "eat, sleep, repeat", love gets EVERYTHING it asks for...everything. every smile and kiss and every fear and tear. you ask for love, and you get a shitload more with it.

i know i should leave and let this go, yet i still come back for more. i do. all the time. "no, i don't wanna fight," i say, "let's just stop fighting , please. let's just make this work. im sorry" over and over again, im the one who gets screwed over, and over and over again, im the one pleading and begging to try and work it out and i know, i really know, because that voice is ALWAYS there telling me "LET IT GO! JUST LEAVE ALREADY!"...but i can't. it's stupid. stupid love. i really, truly, am BLINDED by it. i should've let it go in december... and april...especially april. fuck him for making him fall in love again.

the sick thing is...he KNOWS i deserve better. he KNOWS that this thing we're holding on to is foolish. he KNOWS that it hasn't been getting better. he knows all his short-comings, everything that's wrong that shouldn't be with us, and he knows that letting go may just be for the best...but there i am, wanting to hold on to this...to us. and again, he agrees to try. again and again.

love is foolish. we're fools in love, and doing foolish things to throw off us off course, and maybe even making foolish decisions in trying to make this thing work...

and i love him.