i won't mistake you for problems with me i won't let my moods ruin this you'll see i won't take everything good and move it away i won't be left dancing alone to songs from the past Would you stay home and keep our memories warm with me Would you give all your love for a run at the past with me i know you're sad even though you say that you're not i know you're scared even though you say that you're not i won't get mad when you say things are getting too hard i won't make all of your love so scared to come through our yard i won't scream in my head and let it isolate me i won't be left dancing alone to songs from the past I don't know why I've been putting lyrics in this thing lately. But whatever. Went and saw the other one yesterday at about 11 at night, which is late for me to be visiting someone. I had never seen his house before, it was nice, I liked it. Wish I could be there more. Except things would get screwed up royally that way, for me and my boyfriend. Who is in Nebraska! ergh, I miss him, a lot. I actually cried on the way back from the football game last night, I miss him so much. But he's coming back tomorrow, and I will see him monday. So it's all good. Now if I could only make lyrics above real. I don't want my crazy moods to screw us up, and I don't want to blame him for all of my problems. And I want to stop the screaming in my head.

ha i gotta tell ya i'll make it better but i know there's somethin' i needed to say when i was out, though maybe you were better alone i know i'll make it home she told me sweet thang run a labour in your shoes touch me til i follow in love i wanna help her maybe we were better alone i wanna show you how and then we walked out make it made now i said i want it but i never alone i wanna show you maybe we were somethin' uncool i wanna make you sing Simple as that, if only you were reading this, then you'd understand why I've been the way that I've been. There's no way you can actually be happy with me.

I feel like all I write about in this thing is my love life, and it makes me sick. But who cares? Not me. So anyways...I've decided that there are three guys in my head/heart. There's my boyfriend, my bestfriend, and the guy I have a "crush" on (God, I hate that word with a passion.) I feel like I will end up with one of two of them, and the other one I just want to play around with (like flirting and stuff, nothing gross or overly physical. Yuck.) However, I'm SUPPOSED to be with one of them, he's the one pretty much everyone approves of, my parents included. And I'm in love with him. But somehow, the one that not everyone approves of sneaks into my thoughts constantly. He seems almost perfect. I know how he feels about me, almost everything about how he feels about me, while with the other one, I feel like I have close to no clue about it. With one, I can picture my life with him, and it seems like I would be perfectly happy, and I would be able to everything that I want to do. And with the other, there seems to be nothing but confusion, because I would probably have to give up things that I want to do with my life. With one, I have no worries about keeping in contact with, and the other has always been indecisive about who he wants to be with that I would constantly worry about overlapping. That is, him wanting to be with someone else, but still being with me and wanting to be with me. But then, one of them needs to be around someone, have physical attention, and the other seems like he would be ok without that all the time. That being about college and being away from each other. And then there's me, who has always had problems with overlapping, as anyone can see if they know me. And then there's me, who needs to be around someone and have physical attention. Sometimes I just need someone to hold me close to them so that my head stops spinning, and to kiss me so that I shut up. And then there's me, who knows that it is too early to think about this, and that there are many fishes in the sea. I just like fishing, I guess. Best friend, if you decide to read this entry, good luck figuring out which one you are of the three.

Guess what I'm doing again? Oh yeah, avoiding psychology homework! Yay! So, my bestest friend in the whole wide world sent me this new Killers song: "Leave the bourbon on the shelf" and it is scary accurate to real life with me and him. Yikes! I saw my little half-crush today, and couldn't stop smiling for about 20 minutes, maybe more. But don't tell my boyfriend that, because I might half-like this other guy, but I've decided that I love my boyfriend so much, it's like this: The largest whale known to man, multiplied by all of the elephants in the world, multiplied by all the hippos, multiplied by all of the rhinoceroses, then multiplied by me. Then take e and raise it to the power of that which was explained. Biggest number ever. Pretty darn cool.

Right, so I'm just writing this right now because I don't want to do my psychology homework. ergh. So I feel pretty much alone. All the time. And I hate this guy that I was really good friends with over the summer. He's really freaking annoying,and I wish he would just disappear. He's such a jerk, but the boyfriend is still "real friends" with him, so I pretty much talk to Tyler at school, on purple days at least. Which I don't really mind, he gets me better than the boyfriend does a lot of the time. Plus we can be angry and hate the world together. I should do that psych homework, but I won't right now. Flute choir started tonight!!! Happy happy happy. except that I didn't make it into continental league, and stupid el head bitcho in training did. ergh. all well, time to kick her butt in all state then, not that i'll get into that either. I'm listening to B*witched, I'm such a weirdo. I think I'm starting to sort of like this other guy. Actually like, not love. Which is refreshing. (don't call me a whore, I'm just a silly confused high school girl.) And maybe I don't like him, I just want to talk to him more, maybe flirt a little, that's all I want, maybe I'll feel slightly normal for a bit. Normal for me, that is...hehehe.