He's been there since day one. Every time I turn a corner he's there, smiling, flashing off looks to die for. I've wanted him so badly but never got the chance to tell him that before he slipped away. I saw him from time to time, but nothing worked. He was always hidden in the background, coming forward at random, meaningless moments, but the sun rose and set in him. I always thought my virginity was destined to be his, but that wasn't true either. Another boy came through my life, in a whirlwind, and set me on fire. Now that he's gone, I am glumly staring at the wall wondering what life would be like if I didn't know my first love had ever existed. It would have been easier I think. Yet, its better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all, as the saying goes. There is not a moment I regret knowing who he was, but I wish I could have gotten closer to him. It's a tease, knowing he's there, he exists, but there is no possible way I can have him.

Why is there still a part of me that wants to keep going? Even though I am broken down and have no idea what to do. I still want so much from him that I will never have. I made it so obvious, I knew he knew, yet he would just blush when I talked to him. It was never anything different. When I got his number he was so cute, so beautiful, so dangerous, and so appealing. I thought I had a chance. But then-she was so pretty And I know she has your heart. You are so mysterious, and I'll never know that truth...

There's a place I sometimes like to hide. At night, when the moonlight shyly filters through the leaves, and the crickets leap through the grass, i sit on a log, watching the river stream blithely through the woods. I wish I could become part of that river, just float away until there is nothing left to think about anymore. Eventually I would reach a break and become separated from that river, then head to the ocean which would carry me to the far shores of another land where I might begin a better life. Suddenly a creak disturbed the silence of the forest. I sit straight up, waiting, feeling for the next sound. A face becomes clear in the moonlight, it's the one person I have been waiting for my whole life, to realize I was sitting here, wanting to be rescued from the terror I live with. Next came the sound of many voices, and someone yelled, "Thank God he's found her!" I stand up, and wrap myself into the arms of the figure before me. i slowly relax into his body, then slowly tense up again as I hear another voice, "Sam! Sam! Oh is that you? Oh sweetie!" The letters curl into think sarcasm, only thick enough for me to detect, for as I look up into his deep clear green eyes, he smiles and releases me. "It's OK Sam. Don't worry about her, you're going to be fine." I sink back onto the log, wondering when anyone will find out, when anyone will believe me. He grabs my arm and pulls me back up again, walking me back through the trees to what I reluctantly call home.

I have just signed up for this and it looks like a really cool site. Not to mention that some of my favorite bands and songs are here. I was looking for something and accidentally came across this site. I began to look around at the songs and found this was something I really liked. Just wanted to say I thought this was a cool place, and I also wanted to test this journal thing out...