I've personally watched myself transform from academic over achiever, to B-C indie intellectual over the course of the past year. The only thing I'll ever be Advanced Proficient in again is making myself vomit, or hacking into a Facebook-blocked computer, or cutting class without getting caught. I've replaced my attention span with the ability to put skateboards together with my eyes closed. I donated my Juicy Couture sweat suits to the Salvation Army, and put all of my money toward the many discographies of bands that have undoubtedly gone to shit. I now spend my Friday nights watching 80's movies and drinking Chardonnay with my mom, rather than doing Kegstands or dancing around like a prostitute with my socialite friends. I ended my tanning membership, and rather invested in 2 packs of Marlboro Menthols a week. The biographies of John Lennon, Kurt Cobain, and Elliott Smith have replaced the stacks of Seventeen or Teen Vogue that used to be found in my room. I now pity the girls who have yet to realize that there is no boy on Earth that will ever love them as much as their father does, and I would give anything to go back and fix the mistakes I made before I actually decided to pay attention to the sermon at 9 o’clock mass. I'm changing, and it's fucking inevitable. In retrospect, I still haven't been relieved of the things I've always hated the most about myself. I still love too easily, and I still can't trust a soul. I still stutter my way through conversations with the opposite sex, and I still can't watch the 11 o'clock nightly news. I still hate Alanis Morisette, and I still refuse to cut my hair. I'm still a morning person, I still refuse to go to prom, I still say the Rosary while I drive, and I still have my heart set on that Tiffany & Co. two-carat princess-cut engagement ring that I've had picked out since I was 8 years old. I’m changing, but I’m not getting anywhere.