apologies for the brief stint on private. just a misunderstanding. party was last night, and it was indeed a bash. very fun, i think everyone enjoyed it. i didn't really talk to anyone, but that's all right. i was laughing and running around the whole time, so i think that works as a good substitute. epic dodgeball and volleyball games. i am so dead today though, absolutely worn out. but lunch tomorrow should be fun, since a lot of people in that lunch were at the party. the plan is to talk by the 26th. i know most of you that read this think it's way too large a window, but as C was saying last night, you have to wait for the right moment... and the way we talk that could take the full 26-day window. =/. well, we'll see, i suppose. [[i say that every time, don't i?]]

...and then i forgot it. oh well. gave out invitations today. i'm pretty excited, it's going to be quite the bash. i'm pretty sure he has to call me now. kind of sad how excited i am about that... and i guess i'm obvious. i handed it to him, and then HM and i went our way and he his. ensuing convo with her: HM: what is it? love note? me: no. HM: love note? me: no, invitation. HM: you like him. me: it's true... apparently the way i smiled after giving it to him was kind of a tip-off. and somehow she didn't remember us going to semi together. i dunno. i should talk to him, shouldn't i? i keep saying that, but i never do it. oh well. i will eventually...

now that i know what that is, i'm totally using it. i am heels-over-head crazy about this boy. it's insane. after saturday night... movie and dinner with the group. but i couldn't get him out of my head. sat across from him at dinner, and apparently we "zoned out"... zoned as in not really paying attention to anyone else. i got his number too. snipe! i want him to ask me out, i think. very much so. i just want to be around him, i can't stop thinking about him, and now i'm seeing him everywhere... not really seeing him, more...picturing. but all the same. it's gotten so bad. i really should talk to him, but i'm scared of it. but really, what's the worst that can happen? ...buuut it's not going to happen. naturally. because i'm a wimp when it comes to this. ah well... c'est la vie.

the giraffe is done. played red rover on tuesday. R got completely clotheslined. hilarious, after we made sure she was ok. it was hard to tell at first if she was laughing or crying. paper due tomorrow, procrastinating... today was a good day on all fronts. hung out with L in painting instead of actually working. ate lunch outside. made so much eye contact with him all period. mmm. i think i still have a chance. busy rest of the week, though... play thursday, perhaps. battle of the bands friday. movie saturday. maybe the carnival somewhere in there. add into that a history paper, reviewing all my geo stuff for the tests monday and tuesday, whatever other homework i get... funnn. but i'm looking forward to it nonetheless. and i am looking forward so much to next summer. i'm going to germany. for six weeks. six whole weeks. i have never been more excited in my life. love.

as usual. i'm thinking in short blurbs today, instead of full ideas. which is a little unusual. i lost the train of thought i was going to write about. reviewing old entries does that to me. i guess i'll start with friday... that was a mess. really inarticulate. i got tooled on in english for about 20 minutes for some of the opinions i expressed. felt pretty crappy that afternoon.. then went to RENT friday night. couldn't shake my bad mood... alone in a crowd and all. third wheel, despite the fact that the people i went with are not dating, and that i went with them, not just met them there. dunno. saturday was better. sunday was just frustrating. english assignment that i couldn't make head or tail of. but i finally called him and he explained. and then we talked for a while. giraffe flu... good times. gugh. party planning is harder than it looks. especially when there's an awkward triangle. any combo of 2 is fine, but all three together... would probably have bad results. how do i avoid the issue? and her, too. i'm sorry, but i really don't want her to come. it's not that i don't like her. i'm just fed up with her never having the time for me. or the decency to make time and an effort. but if you want her there, i'll turn a blind eye to it. hm. i thought this was going to be another incoherent entry, but it actually worked out rather nicely. i need to convince him to convince him to call me. might ask him to go to dinner with us all on friday. if i go to dinner, that is, and if k is ok with me bringing him. after all, she planned/is planning it. then movies on the 16th, carnival that weekend. then mom away for the long weekend after my birthday. then possibly party the following weekend. looking forward to it all.