ugh. such bad kitty. i told her bout *fwaaaa* and after school somebody got random yellow stuff on my mom's cowboy hat i borrowed (it was halloween dress up day at school) and took the strings off it and stole my lizard pin thing. so pissed about the hat. but its my karma for telling her, and for *fwaaa*... and don't ask about the *fwaaa*, you won't get an explanation beyond a nose. a rather large nose. a kinda cute, rather large nose. buut anyway. im prolly being too specific even with that.

school is overrated. it's falling into such a pattern. all i want to do is sleep all the time. even music tech is gonna get old. specially since i'm so self-concious of my music now. i'm better than some, but i'll never be really good... i wish i could bring myself to skip class someday. but i know i would have to be super-pissed to do it... or high or something. to do something that stupid... meh. and being left out of the loop just makes me feel like crap. you never tell me anything anymore. not that i tell you anything either... i can't read it, and i bet you don't read this either. it's been this way since you left. and...

she doesn't hate me anymore. allright.. that was fast. and my melodies SUCK. i heard Josh's today- MS played it for the whole class- and mine totally suck compared to that. i'm never gonna be able to write that good. damn. and i am in love. with a guy my teacher apparently went to college with. MS looks like he's out of college. but this guy could walk around and fit in at my high school... damn. he's hott. a cross between Gerard Way and GH. yum. and he plays killer piano and he can siiing.. i'm in love. mm. thats pretty much it... party tomorrow, homecoming next week. woot. but dammit i miss GH...

having a shitty day. she hates me now. not my fault. i told the truth. if she had actually tried, she wouldn't be redoing it, now would she? damn, who am i kidding? i'm already blaming myself. i'm saying it wasn't me as much to convince myself as to convince you. and his eyes still get me... i saw who he used to be today. he really came through... damn i miss him. a lot. more than i ever thought i would. time heals almost everything. and as i told Paige, a little forgiveness goes a long way. fuck it. i can't. i won't. dammit, never again. not him. not now. not ever... i need to stay uninvolved in that one respect. uninvolved. i can't do it. i won't let myself. no. no. i'm putting myself back on my diet. and this time i'm gonna stay... no looking at the menu. oh, and it doesn't help that i'm totally periing. i feel like crap.

i am now obsessed with Keane =] they're amazing. i've been listening to Under The Iron Sea like nonstop. it's sooo good. also obsessed with North by Something Corporate. gorgeous =] anywayy... today was ok, i guess. it just felt so long. i keep thinking it's wednesday... but yeah. been taking a lot of pictures. so i'm happy =]

today was worse. who called it? he was being a total bitch. worse today than ever before. it was funny before, but now it's crossed the line. can you just shut up? thanks. leave me alone. just the random, shitty comments. "wanna work together?" no. "you're just not the person i thought you were." well, whoop de doo. what kind of person did you think i was, eh? you don't even KNOW me. you can't say what kind of person i am! fuckin LAY OFF! i can't stand him now. die, bitch, die. although, by tomorrow it'll be funny again. or not... wait and see.

it's been a long day. and tomorrow's gonna be worse, cuz i have to make her stay after to work on this project since i'm going away this weekend. which may or may not suck, depending on how cold it is. chances are i'll be freezing my ass off. but i'll be home... down by the ocean was where i first came up with his song. now i've finished it... so i have to go back and recite it where i started it, i guess. close the circle, truly move on... but yeah. i dunno, i can still see the old him just below the surface. but i can't- won't - fall in again. nor the other one either. gone. nor will i sink to the level of the third. now he's just annoying. loud and obnoxious. i turned the volume on my headset all the way up today to drown him and his friends out... and then my computer made a funny noise and i jumped. but whatever, he's not too hard to ignore. but he needs to watch his language. i almost yelled at him for calling his friend a f**. i do swear, i'm not perfect. but i am strongly opposed to that word in particular. won't say it, even quoting. but meh... don't really care. he's prolly an ass anyway. and besides. i don't need anyone nearly as much as i think i do. "no boyfriend, no problems", right? no feelings for anyone, even fewer problems. woot.

we started Trainspotting last night. got about halfway through before i had to get picked up. it's a damn good movie. i'd sleep with Renton, no question. and this morning i finished the second book of Midnighters. bittersweet... it always makes me so happy when the semi-obvious romantic entanglements straighten themselves out, but at the same time, it's kinda sad 'cause i can't relate... ah well. and panda's wrong, no way in hell will he ask out a short soph he barely knows. it's not gonna happen. but eh, what do you expect.