haha, i'm quoting you, Chloe. lol. so- to explain firsty, almost every time i like a guy, i end up hating him after i get over him. and i JUST figured out why, after like 3 yrs. of this pattern- like 2 seconds ago. like, i always have to convince myself of my feelings. which explains that awful little pattern i go thru- love/hate, love/hate. i have to convince myself that yes, i truly do like him, and then when i get over him, my anger at myself for convincing myself he was the one is directed at him b/c i dont want to admit i was wrong. does that suck or what? i hate myself sometimes. can't i hust admit to myself that, hell yeah, people make mistakes. so if i'm making mistakes, hey, i'm just human. meh. soooo... i miss CC, just a bit. i think i'm over him- and i dont hate him. thats progress, i guess. and now i *think* i like this kid who supposedly kinda likes *A*. but not as much as b4... so thats good i guess. well... the summer gives me plenty of time to sort myself out. peace, luv, and pineapples,

its like 95 degrees here. yuck. anyway, i have discovered bayside. (thx, chlo) The Walking Wounded is a great album. i luv Landing Feet First. not much to report on the ppl front in my life, cept that i *think* i have a crush on a guy who supposedly likes one of my "biffles". :( oh well. such is life, eh? oh, and my desktop image is Chester Bennington

been so long since i last posted... and i have nuthin to say. and not enough time to write anything meaningful. bback tomorrow

soo... felt like crap today. for no reason. scared. anxious. excited. [depressed] i have another one of my killer headaches... haven't had an awful one in a while. forgot how much this sucks... update on the dance: havent asked him yet. i have exactly a week. i'm gonna do it no matter wat... running out of time and startin to feel the pressure... and HE is going with Anna. frankly, i dont give a shit what he does. or, at this point, her either. the only request i made of her was, "just dont make me talk to him. dont make me be nice...." i know, im such a sweet little kid. but like i said, I DONT GIVE A FUCK. ...actually, i dont care about much of anything anymore... binge eating when i'm not hungry, not eating when i am hungry. i just dont feel like eating anymore.... force-feeding myself a lot. and food i love doesnt taste like anything.. clinical depression? weelll... i guess i owe a couple people a promise. so this goes to Anna, Tay, Kel, Sneha, Linds... but mostly Melinda, Emma, and Chloe- I promise you all, as long as i can hold out, I WILL NOT CUT. i feel kinda better now.. well must go kiddies. love

and dont look back dont stop, bury me and fade to black... weeell... i bought a dress :) and HE asked me to the dance. ewww. so of course i said no. and now my friends are all like omg!! what the hell is your problem?? he freakin asked you and you said no??? and im like its my choice and I CANT STAND HIM!! so why the fuck would i say yes???? they KNOW i dont like him. they KNOW hes really annoying to me- he freaking STARES at me ALL THE TIME!!! why and plus, i'm asking CC to the dance. i cant very well go w/ 2 ppl now can i? but my dress is pretty and [almost] all is well. i'm trying to write lyrics for a song. [like i'll ever be able to sing it. right.] but hey, its worth a try. i'll post them when they're done :) sooo.. we find out classes for next year on monday... i cant wait a whole week!! gaaah!! course selections next monday. yearbooks next tuesday. Canobie next wednesday. dance next thursday. (wish me luck) last day next friday. CANT WAIT!! peace luv and- YES! FINALLY!- pineapples