i no i already posted 2day but i dont really care. my mom is being a total bitch. so this one pair of jeans i have is like really long and kinda drags on the ground (whose dont?) and she like freaked out at me cuz the hem was ripping. 'u shood nvr have worn them to camp! theyre ur good school pants!!' well evryone else's pants look like that, so i dont really care! so she freaking cut the bottom off and rehemmed them. she RUINED them! its no fun when ur mom is such a control freak about what u wear. like seriously, i have this one jean skirt that comes down to the tips of my fingers when my arms are at my sides. IT FOLLOWS THE FRICKIN SCHOOL DRESS CODE and she still isnt gonna let me wear it. she says its too short. i swear she's still livin in the 1800s. shes such a prude. and it pisses me off. i think im gonna go insane. ok, now she's really pissing me off. she comes in my room- without waiting 4 me to answer her knock- and is like, you should probably practice, and im like, ya i no, and we have the concert thurs. and i dont wanna go cuz i suck and its not gonna be fun. she says you'll do fine. and im like, no i wont, i sit next to A.C. and he doesnt no wat he's doin and its gonna be horrible and i start bitching about it, and she's like, im leaving now. and im silently like, WTF?? as the dor shuts behind her. i no my bitching is not fun to listen to (i complain about evrything. i really am a shitty person.), but i thot parents were supposed to like listen regardless and try to make u feel better. so is that gonna happen? nope. i need to get out of here. majorly. so now she knocks, and im like WHAT??? and she just comes in and is like, i could just barge in and not say knock knock! and looks at me really bitchily. i think not waiting for someone to say u can come in counts as barging in, so she already does. i hate my family. *** well that was really bitchy. thats the way i really am tho so ya... self-hatred and depression are my #1 skills. wahoo. on to happier things. our LA teacher is having us act out scenes from A Midsummer Night's Dream and i get to be Hermia. fun. im absolutely loving this. my fave Shakespeare play is Much Ado About Nothing, but this'll do. so ya. hope ur day is happier than mine was. enjoy life while u can and all that crap. 'it's not so pleasant and its not so conventional it sure as hell aint normal but we deal, we deal' i wish that could apply right now. anything unordinary would be so welcome. my life is such a regular pattern and its driving me CRAZY. i just got back from the same GS weekend as mieolhc (fun fun fun! 'but im not!' lol.) and already my like freakishly depressed happiness (how weird is that? im only truly happy when I'm depressed and see the world clearly. depression to the point of clarity, i think i called it.) is now completely and utterly gone. I swear, i need that feeling to LIVE. otherwise... well, fill in the blanks. im not stupid or crazy enuff to be suicidal, but i've been just a step away from cutting before. lovely. anyway.. wat was i saying? o ya. so my freaky happiness is gone and now im back to the boring normal routine. bleh. can i go back to camp for a week? i miss having an upstairs porch. i wish it was raining again. i love rain, and freezing my butt off... jk. i dunno y, but when im happily depressed i dont give a frick about cold or wet. like at all. but its nice to sit outside in the freezing cold and rain on an upstairs porch in a tanktop, jeans and socks and have deeply philosophical convos... so much fun i forgot to have a good time. no, it really is nice, u shood try it some time. just dont forget to go back inside or u'll get hypothermia. i dont wanna be responsible for any hospitalizations :) jeez im positive. ya, so we were talking about.. o crap, i forgot it. gimme a sec, it'll come back...evrything in our lives thats really screwed up. which is a lot, trust me. and it was nice to finally say evrything i feel and get it all out. it gets all bottled up and i start flipping out at all the wrong ppl just because they just happen to be there. anyway, i think thats all. for now. until evrything starts getting horrible again. i dont no who u r if ur readin this but thx for bein there 4 me. luv u all already "I am not afraid to keep on living I am not afraid to walk this world alone 'Honey if you stay you'll be forgiven' Nothing you can say can stop me going home." thats another thing right there. Where is home? its not my physical house and family, that's for sure. i doubt i'll evr find where i really belong. but that's really beside the point. im depressing myself, and not in my freakishly happy way. in a bad way. apparently, im very poetic when im happily depressed. but ive bored u enuff. signing off- hugs for evry1. o. btw, for those of u that read mieolhc's journal, i'm the road-trip BFF. lol. that was kinda funner than i thot it would be. but thats another entry.. i'm really signing off this time. i promise. 'But you really need to listen to me Because I'm telling you the truth I mean this, I'm okay! (Trust me.) I'm not okay.' and nvr will be. cheers.

this site is awesome!! thx evry1 for makin it so great. specially thx to the ppl who rote the songs, namely pete wentz the hottie :P. luvs u all already. Shout-outs to mieolhc! Heya grl! Ive arrived! I'm comin up so u better get this party started! ps. to blind: im not thinking about -/-/-/-/-/-/-! just so u no!