Smile Empty Souls has some amazing music. I miss people. I don't miss school. I wish I could somehow see all the people I miss... And the only way that could happen is school. But actually, that won't help. Because I'm going to a new school, all alone. So I don't have to consider wanting school to start. I don't want school to start. I can just say I miss everyone who I'll never see. I feel stupid. I've been feeling stupid alot lately.

The only part of me that I like is just a lie.

I have low self esteem WHICH FUCKING PISSES ME OFF. It ruins things that I want to do and makes me feel bad about everything I've done wrong. I hate it. And don't know how to fix it. I only got one hour of sleep last night and I'm really really tired. I should probably sleep. But I dont want to leave him online alone.

I want it to rain. I want to hear it.

Fuck anyone who makes their kid work 11 hours a day. If my dad tried to do that to me I would run away. Damnit. My friend needs to be texting me back. And I want cider. Best thing ever. I'm like, in love. Severe issues. Wish I wasn't like this.

Things I'm Tired of: • Being a coward • Being fake to some ppl I'm close to • Lieing • Liking someone so much, and knowing I'm too stupid to make it work • Turning him down, when I completely love him • Wasting my life online at 1 am • Being bored • Feeling like shit • Being socially deficient • Being scared of the phone • Not knowing more guys • Being jealouse of people who I barley know or who have done nothing to me • Not being able to shut down my mind. • Music that dosn't make me feel anything.

I hate it when people joke about things that arn't funny. At all. I don't care if they really are trying to be funny Or say that they're kidding Or are trying to be cool. I don't care People need to know where and when to lay off And they need to know that some things just can't be funny And just because I'm easygoing and laugh it off Dosn't mean that it didn't effect me I enjoy a laugh I do And good jokes And even jokes that make fun of things But seriously, the line has to be drawn fucking somewhere And now I'm pissed off I need to stand up for myself

its my favorite holiday, but it still feels like the 3rd since its night so I can't be all happy. wow Man, I can't even understand myself. I can't understand my own life or why I do the things I do. And if I can't understand it I have no idea how anyone else will be able to.