--10 Years [good depression/drug addiction song] I'm sick of giving advice. Since I haven't had many boyfriends [none recently] and hate drama, people are convinced that I'm 'levelheaded' or whatever the fuck. And yea, ok, so I give good advice. Only because I'm good at fixing situations that arn't my own. If they're my problems, I fuck things up worse. But, people are always asking me things. LIke what to say to people and how to fix fights and hate and that stuff. And how to dump boyfriends and girlfriends and such. And for a while I can take it and give the good advice. But the problem is that I need advice. I can't take my own, and I can't take other peoples. Not that they'd take time to give it anyways. Sometimes I just blow, like when people ask me what to do because they're boyfriends going to fast. I get so angry because I would LOVE for that to be my problem. But instead, I suck it up and tell them what would be best to do... I need to be able to take my own advice. Or find someone who would give advice that I can trust.

One thing that pisses the hell out of me. I'm scared. Of almsot any social 'situation' Like guys.. anthing I freak out.. and if I like someone holy crap I get so freaked out.. I can't talk to them... And I book it when they come in the room or something. And I have no idea why. I try not to but it's like a reflex. Then I look back on it later and am SOO mad at myself and promise myslef I'll never leave or run away from anything again. But next time theres a akward situation or I feel nervous.. I can't talk.. and I usually wind up leaving or like hiding behind someone else. It sucks. And it makes me feel like I can't do anything hard ever in my life. I really want to change and I convince myself I won't be nervous and flip out next time but I ALWAYS do anyways. haha. ok I'll shut up now. LOST is coming on soon, can't wait to watch it best show ever. Anyone wanna AIM me my sns hlnh520. Music:: Because of You --Nickelback [[if you hate nickelback.. still listen. You can't even really tell its them.. its alot harder. and they lyrics really are amazing.]] peace

ok, so I said I used this thing to bitch too.. so here it goes:: Dang man, guys are confusing and stupid. And they piss me off cause they don't seem to notice the impact they have on other people. Or maybe I just like the self centered jerks.. which is probalby the case. I tend to pick the wrong people to befriend and like.. things like that. If any guys are reading this.. be nice to girls who like you.. even if you don't like them just suck it up! hahaha ok. Well, lifes good. I don't have school tomorrow! Yes! I don't have to go to that hellish buliding and talk to people who drive me up the wall. I think I'll spend tomorrow hanging out with my friends and convincing myself that I do have a social life... sometimes I forget that :D ... my friends are great. I suck with guys.. but w/e. I'm immensley tired.. and its only 11 oclock. I had a ton of caffine tonight and it's moslty worn off...now its the crash. As for more important topics... I just saw the movie Blood Diamond.. which really makes you think about all the hellish evil things going on in Africa. I'd really like to help out somehow with that... but I can't really figure out how... but yea if you want a movie that will make you feel something.. thats a good one. Good Music: Awake --Godsmack [[[ it wakes you up, and make you feel things. which is difficult for me :D enjoy!]]]

Good song: Jude Law and a Semester Abroad --Brand New "And if you've ever said you've missed me, then don't say you've never lied"

I just read this thing posted by 'vulgar' about how basically teens get on here and rant pointlessly about how much their lives suck. I myslef am really, really good at doing that and I agree that it feels good to get stuff out and all that shit... and I also think it's good to do that. But, it's also important to realize how much we have and that somewhere in the world someone's suffering a TON more then we are.. probably over a way more severe issue. So go ahead, rant all you want. Its good for you and all that. I'll continue doing that too. But just feel grateful.. and don't get too self absorbed. xoxo

I doubt anyone will really read this. But I guess I'll write anyways, just for kicks. I love soccer and snakeboarding and music. I'm generally confused about my life and whats going on in it. But music helps with that and so does everything else I love doing. So do my friends. I act differently then I feel inside. I don't know if that's good or bad, but I really can't change that easily. I come off as shy, at first. But not once someone gets to know me. Then I'm intensly talkative and probably somewhat obnoxious. My freinds put up with me and all my weirdness, and I love them for that. I love guys too but they make me nervous as hell. Once I get to know them things get better, but I have some sort of social anxiety. I love talking to people about things that really matter in the world. And about feelings and phycology related things because it's really intersting to try to understand how other peoples minds work. Drama pisses me off, because it's obvioiusly a waste of time. There are so many things that really are imporant, and things people could do things about. But instead, we chose to waste our time worrying about things that don't matter and won't change anything. Ever. I'm not pulling the blame off of me though, I'm sure I do these things as well. And I'm sure that I'm somewhat concited, and I won't deny that. School drives me insane. More on that later. Anyways. I'm glad I'm boring everyone with my intenseness. Hopefully I can be more exciting in the future. So stick around