[77] I always come to the same conclusion. I wasn't made for this world. I'm not particularly interested in it either. But, I'll give it another chance once I get out of here. "This world" is only relative to what I've seen of it after all. Besides, there should be some reason I bothered. =-= The world can't exist without conflict. I mean, besides the fact that it's impossible. Nobody would learn anything. The only progress I imagine, in a "conflict-free" world, would be in health and agriculture. Conflict with death is inescapable. Anyway, life would be quite boring. Pleasantries can be better enjoyed when they're contrasted with the challenges of life. (Contrast in almost any situation enhances things, I think.) Politeness, kindness, etc. It amazes me that society so gravely lacks these things. Maybe not lacks, but it's definitely doesn't seem to be a standard. Not here. People are so weird.

[76] I do a lot of waiting these days. Waiting for classes to end. Waiting for the night. Waiting to run out of energy and sleep. Waiting for the weekend, for quiet and the sleep I didn't get enough of. Even though there's nothing to do; more specifically, nothing I want to do, I just sit up and endure whatever patiently. If apathy can be called patience, anyway. I've just run out of motivation. It's a little scary. I used to have some hope. I don't really know what for, I suppose I believed there were still some good people in the world. Well, I know there are. Rather, I decided I didn't really care anymore. The rest of the world wasn't worth it. ...... (: Look at that. The more I think about it, I guess I'm wrong. Well, not about the world being made of fail. But yeah. Heh. *sigh* I've gotta get out of here though. =-= Conclusion: Texas sucks. Never come here. Conclusion 2: Also never raise kids here. Why did you come here in the first place.

[75] Self discovery. It's pretty exciting I think. Always difficult to decide where to start, what to ask, but.. you can ask anything, you know? Open windows on cool summer nights. One of the best things ever. The air is so clean tonight..

[74]and I just need seven minutes to calm myself back down Holy jeez.. 74 entries. I never imagined this would get so long. I'm glad I wrote here though. I haven't been myself lately.. reading this has helped clarify things a bit. A lot actually. I forgot to mention that I was in California for six weeks over the summer. Hence the break in entries. Was on a college summer program at the Academy of Art University. Six weeks, four classes. Got a lot done. Very worthwhile, if not very tiring. (The regular summer curriculum for college students is two classes, over I think 8ish weeks.) Well.. I'd actually been writing for about an hour about some of the things that happened there, but I slipped and opened a new page.. typical. I guess it's for the better. My mood's improved listening to Motion City Soundtrack in the time it took to write. 'tis been a while since I listened to them. =-= She sat with me at lunch one day. "Why do you always sit alone?" "Because I'm a boring person."