[59]While you run around like JFK I lost my iPod over Spring Break. D: Hopefully it's just in a bag somewhere.. The weather today was incredible. Things are starting to heat up around here again (very quickly at that), but for now the wind still balances it out. I just wish it would rain over the weekend. We haven't had any in a while. Arghhh I need to do art. Ironically, throughout this week, perhaps the most exhausting week I've had all year, I've been wanting to draw the most. But I'm completely drained of energy. I'm afraid I'll run out of motivation or ideas before I find some rest.

[58]but you never turn around Somehow I'm most vulnerable and distractable when I'm overloaded with work due within the next 18 hours or so. < insert whining about AP History here > Moving on. Where are you?

[57]When the words all sound the same So confusing. I've been contemplating words for a long, long time. Why are they powerful? Why are they so insufficient? I think of the silly or cliche things you would hear in a movie and think, "That's ridiculous. Those things couldn't even be taken seriously, let alone move someone." Yet during seemingly casual conversation the things you and others say can greatly affect the way you're understood and define your character. Ever been talking with someone and, though it was about nothing serious, felt as if whatever you said was going to significantly influence your connection with them? The air seems to get heavy.. you have to wonder if they're feeling the same thing, though you tell yourself it's paranoia. I don't understand the power of words. All I know is that I have to be careful, which is why I'm so quiet. But now I have to wonder: will that allow me to learn? As for the weakness of words.. any journal is proof enough of the things we are unable to say, but are capable of writing. Greater still, do you have any secrets? Not gossip.. things deep inside of you that nobody would understand (because chances are, neither do you). Things that you're not even sure you could share with a soulmate? I think that's how you'll know when you find one. They'll already know..

[56]You know.. dark blue I guess it's to be expected. After 14 hours of sleep and waking up at 6 in the evening, nobody would be tired at this hour. I was reminded of how much I admire writers today. And I tried, but I can't explain why. It doesn't do them enough justice.

[55]Before you were asleep and underground I.. just don't know. But I want to think that I'm just afraid, because this really could be the thing I was looking for, but wasn't prepared to find.

[54]I couldn't help but stall I had this entire weekend to myself. Everyone's away to Colorado for a volleyball tournament. Ah, it's ending far too quickly. Sleeping was interesting. I mostly attempted to sleep as little as possible to spend as much waking time as I could to savor this.. freedom. It basically resulted in me staying up until Saturday evening, whereupon I completely passed out until about one in the morning. I wasn't able to go back to sleep, so I was up until about six.. I needed to, and wanted to get some sleep by then so I could get the most out of Sunday and be ready before school, but I knew there was something left to do.. =-=-= I was thinking about her, planning out a letter in my head about how little we get to see each other, and that it couldn't go on like this. And I realized, despite how difficult it will be, I really want this to work. Because, I love her. =] =-=-= So by now it's about 8 in the morning, and I'm awake and happy. So I go and make some [of the most amazing] eggs [ever]. I'm really not sure what I did after that, but around 10 things caught up with me and I was tired as all heck, and was miserably stuck in bed until about 7, wanting to get up but totally unable to. x_x < /lifeblog > Got so much new music today. I really needed it. Was going to pick up one or two songs by Deas Vail, but I started listening to samples of the other tracks and was like "Oh snap*! I'm going to have to get this whole CD." But I was about 8 cents under. So I drove up to Target and got another gift card just minutes before they closed. I felt pretty awesome. But not as awesome as this music is.

[53] http://www.outofservice.com/bigfive/ Hah.. I scored 1% in extroversion. Meaning, 1% of people that took it are less social than me. (I don't think it goes to 0.) I don't know. I wanted to laugh at first, but my chest suddenly started hurting. It's a pretty damn lonely statistic. =-=-= I've decided I'm going to stop looking at art thinking "That's so perfect. I could never do something like that." It's pointless, and true. Because when I say that while looking at something original, it IS perfect in its own respect, and could not be done the same way. I'll grow my own way, and with luck, end up with something that satisfies me. Isn't it obvious? The most efficient way to get better is to improve on what I have done rather than what I wish I could do.

[52]Longing from afar We just kept repeating this cycle We could be something amazing If you weren't so out of touch, And I were more straightforward The stars aren't as bright as they used to be (not that it means anything) But I still look at the sky I like the changing nature of clouds =-=-= I like to think that we travel to different realities, or worlds, when we dream. And time is measured differently there. It's enough proof to me that everyone's experienced a long dream and woken up with only an hour passed on the clock. Who knows? This could be a dream, too. We're actually living many lives at once, far away from each other, in dilated times. Actually that might kinda suck. I wonder what the extremely small amounts of sleep I try to get says about my lives elsewhere.. Let's be a little more optimistic- I'm just an idiot with sleeping, is all Or maybe I'm in a coma. ..In all of them! Haha

[51]Could you save my life? I don't ask for much. How do I put it.. you might say I don't expect anyone to prove anything to me. I don't let people go out of their way to do something nice for me if I have a say in it. As a rule I refuse to ask for help to remedy a situation I'm at fault for or capable of fixing (schoolwork, for example; I take what I deserve). It's paradoxical. But I think I'm being selfish. It's not really fair to deny someone's kindness. Well. Not just "someone's". Friends'. It's because I don't feel I deserve it. Artists usually have very low self-esteem. With college approaching, I'm starting to realize how low mine really is. It's pretty lame. I also decided something the other day. Journals are a unique style/genre of writing. The closest thing to it is poetry, except it's usually less artistic (while being intimate), and more.. real. For the record though, nothing can top poetry in my book. (;

[50.5] Newest User: Icantsleep Haha. They aren't the only one. ):