I'm sorry to make another post so recently after my last one. It's just that I'm really bored, and I saw this quiz... and, well, I just thought I could do it to fend off 'le cafard.' Also I should mention that I got it from Zaraiya's journal. Thanks, Zaraiya! TEN FAVORITES 01. televison show: I don't really watch TV. 02. flower: I'm a man. I don't have a favourite flower. 03. color: I could never pick a specific colour; they're all great! 04. sport: Eurgh. I hate sport. 05. mall: We don't have those in England. 06. music: Industrial. 07. food: Pizza. It's readily customizable. 09. animal: I don't get on with animals. And where's number 8? 10. city: London... working there was excellent. TEN FACTS 01. hometown: Portsmouth. It's particularly dirty. 02. hair color: Brown. 03. hair length: Medium length, I suppose. 04. hair style: Trendy. At least I think it is... 05. eye color: Brown. 06. shoe size: 10. 07. mood: Tired, but staying up because sleeping is boring. 08. orientation: Bisexual. 09. available?: If you ply me with drinks. 10. lefty/righty: Depends what I'm doing. TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE 01. have you ever been in love: I thought I had, but now I'm beginning to think I was just obsessed. 02. do you believe in love: I certainly do. 03. why did your last relationship fail?: We were both very casual people. It was just a one-night thing. 04. have you ever been heartbroken: No, but I've been very lonely. 05. have you ever broken someone’s heart: I don't think I've ever been that important to anyone. 06. have you ever fallen for your best friend: No. 07. have you ever loved someone but never told them: I thought I loved them at the time, and I didn't tell them. 08. are you afraid of commitment: Nobody can ever make anyone truly commit themselves. 09. have you ever had a secret admirer: I don't think so. 10. do you believe in love at first sight: I could never love someone at first sight. I'd need to understand them and know them completely. But maybe other people are different to me. I'd never impose how I feel about love at first sight on them. TEN THINGS: THIS OR THAT 01. love or money: Love. 02. hard liquor or beer: Easy choice! Beer. 04. one night stands or relationships: That's too difficult a question for me to ask. 05. televison or internet: The Internet. 06. pepsi or coke: Either one is a treat for me! 07. wild night out or romantic night in: Either could be fun. I couldn't choose. 08. colored or black and white pictures: It's not really a quality I consider when examining a picture. 09. phone or in person: In person! Who could feel differently about that? 10. aim or myspace: I have no idea what AIM is. Well I know what it stands for, but I have never used it. And myspace is a bit boring. I could live quite comfortably without either one. TEN HAVE YOU EVERS 01. have you ever been caught sneaking out: No. My parents have always let me out whenever I wanted to go. 02. have you ever skinny dipped: I can't swim. 03. have you ever done something you regret: Yes. Crimes of omission though, mostly. 04. have you ever bungee jumped: I've never had the financial capability to do so, but it's something I would love to try. 05. have you ever been on a house boat: No. I'm spending next weekend with my girlfriend on her parents' boat though. 06. have you ever finished an entire jaw breaker: Yes, me and my friend Graham once had a race to finish the jawbreaker first, and we had to swallow the chewing gum in the middle too. I can't remember who won. 07. have you ever wanted someone so badly it hurt: Yes. 10. have you ever been caught by your parents doing it? Thankfully I haven't. I have, however, caught them 'doing it.' Now that was embarrassing. TEN EMOTIONS 01. are you missing someone right now: Not particularly. 02. are you happy: More or less. 03. are you talking to anyone right now: No. 04. are you bored: I am indeed. 05. are you german: That's not an emotion. And no, I don't think I am. 06. are you irish: No. 07. are you french: I speak French, but that's not quite the same as being French. 08. are you Italian: My mum is Italian, but she was adopted by English parents, so I wouldn't consider myself anything other than plain old English. 09. are your parents still married: Yes, and I believe they are happy about it. 10. do you like someone right now: I like everyone.

I spent this weekend not having much fun. I play drums in a band, and on Friday night I went to the guitarist's house for a party and only five people were there. Two boys (me and Mr. Guitarist) and three girls. One of the girls fancied me, but her friends convinced her not to do anything with me. Also I have a girlfriend... but she lives two hours away. I already cheated on her once. I don't think she'll find out. I'd probably cheat on her again if I was drunk. It's the fact that she lives away that makes things tough. Well I suppose a better man than me would easily be able to be patient and not put his dick in every drunk girl who looks at him, but I am not that man. I think I've finally mastered the ability my female friends have which lets them pull every time they go out. All you need to do is scour the club for someone who is just about attractive enough, and then find out if they're attracted in you. And they often are. I suppose there are a lot of people who need to physically touch another person. I am one of them, I think. I will be the first man my girlfriend sleeps with. Added to this is the fact that her father is a manipulative prick who really messed her up. If she finds out what an uncaring person I am, it will give her issues for the rest of her life. It would be better for me to give the rest of my life to her than for that to happen. She could end up hating men for the rest of her life if I'm not careful. I know it seems strange that I think of myself as being so important to her, but really I am! She can't get enough of me. She tells her friends all about me. I think she was starting to stalk me when we first began talking to each other. I wouldn't even have continued a dialogue with her if I didn't happen to be such a polite person. My politeness almost got me in trouble again today. I think the manipulative interloper I mentioned previously (and with whom my politeness compels me to maintain friendship) has started speaking to my girlfriend and is trying to make her mistrust me. Although I suppose I don't deserve her trust. My summary is that I'm a duplicitous, deceptive young man, and I only care about myself. Oh, and about the title... I don't really like red wine.

So, if you've been following my journal (whomever you are, non-existent audience) then you'll recall that I have a girlfriend now. She's not that much of a looker, but I don't care because she really really loves me. She thinks I'm so great, honestly I'm like a god to her. And that makes me feel really good about myself. But now some manipulative girl has started talking to me, and she's trying to persuade me that my girlfriend doesn't appreciate me. Dammit! For every nice girl I find, I get another psychopathic one in my life. Anyways, about the Jobcentre. I went down there and it was quite an eye-opener in terms of jobs and people. However, my application form is coming through for my plumbing apprenticeship, so hooray for me! Finally I don't need to respond to these questions that people ask me with 'looking for a job.' I can just say 'my apprenticeship starts soon!' Well I guess this is songmeanings, so I'll let you know that I just listened to Blue Serge, by Skinny Puppy. It's pretty damn good, even if you don't like the majority of Skinny Puppy's records, you may just like this one. Well this is goodbye from me, but if you're lucky, I might just write another entry! Yep, you'd be very lucky if I did that.

I've been listening to a Mexican band called Mana a lot recently - one has to keep languages alive after all. They're pretty good for a pop rock band. Their drummer especially is very talented. Anyway, I'm getting fairly bored at the moment. Not just right this minute, but all the time too. Seems like I've fallen into a routine... I used to hate uni life but now I really miss it. Even when I was a labourer I was doing a fairly interesting job and getting good pay. Now I'm just languishing at home all day, doing the housework for free (shouldn't say that, my parents do pay the rent after all). I didn't go to the jobcentre in the end... guess I was too busy procrastinating. Ah well. Such is life. Maybe I'll just procrastinate the rest of my days away.

Isn't it a long time since I wrote? Don't worry, I have been contributing to the site by adding lyrics by Ade Fenton. Anyway, as is made obvious by the title of this entry, I am currently unemployed. After I left college last year, I had a well paid, full-time job as a labourer in London. Then I went to university in October, but I ran out of money and didn't really like it so I left. Now I don't have a job so I haven't got any money. I used to be so rich (sort of), so now, poverty hurts all the more. Sigh. There are so many pressing responsibilities, and the sum of their pressure is more than I can afford. Literally, I really can't afford them, I have eighteen pounds in the bank. So how can I get a job? Maybe I should get some sleep and go to the Jobcentre tomorrow. That seems like a good idea. I know what I want to do. I want to do a full-time job involving hard physical labour... just like my old job. It wouldn't feel right to go back there though, and everyone would judge me in the way people so often do. Oh, and also, I have a girlfriend now. Of all the people to have a girlfriend, I would have thought I was the most unlikely, but I suppose I have changed since my last entries... but not in the way one might assume. All that's changed about me is that I'm now willing to look a girl in the eyes and tell her I love her when really, I quite like her. I tell her she's beautiful - what I mean is that she's not bad looking. I tell her she's incredible - I'm thinking she's fairly honest and reliable enough. I say she deserves the best, but I just think she deserves me. Still, one can't complain, eh? As far as I know, she is madly in love with me, and this way, I can go out without feeling the dreadful social need to 'pull', as my friends eloquently put it. So she's happy, and I'm happy too, and that is more than good enough for me. You might not think it to look at me, or even realise during a conversation with me, but I really am full of hatred for the way society works. Everything from having to work for others for money, to having to lie to people for contentment, I'm full of contempt for all of it.

You know, I'm a big fan of Gary Numan. You might say he's my favorite musician. I recently acquired his 1981 album 'Dance' and I have listened to it three times straight through, and it keeps getting better and better. He really inspires me to write songs. Also, I had a birthmark on my left arm removed yesterday and now I can't use the arm at all. That's annoying because I am left-handed. I also think someone is interested in me, but I don't feel the same way about them (surprise sur-bloody-prise), so now I have to tell them this. *sigh* Still, now that I've finished college, life is easy.

This morning I had my last ever psychology test, and I think I did rather well on it. Last night me and some friends did some revision, and we all started talking about relationships and people who mean a lot to us... and it turned out that they all had someone that they loved, but I didn't. And it sort of seems like maybe I never will, because I certainly can't imagine myself feeling like that about anyone in the near future. They said they felt sorry for me after I said that, but really I think I'm better off because love seems to cause them so many problems.

Here I am, listening to Gary Numan and writing this while I should be getting ready for my French listening test tomorrow. Oh well. I had a good night tonight, I learnt some cool stuff for the Tango, and I overcame my fear of the Quickstep. As always, I remain the master of the Cha-cha. Anyways I suppose I should go to bed... even if sleep is the cousin of death.

Today was the last day of college. Now, once I've done my exams, I'll be finished forever. I talked to a girl named Christine in my psychology class today, and it turned out she's really nice. Kind of a shame I didn't bother throughout the rest of the year really. So in October I'll be at university... in fact, in July, I'll have finished my exams and be done with college. Amazing!

Today's been chillaxed (chilled + relaxed). I spent most of the day listening to music, and I found a couple of Gary Numan songs too. My family were in London so I decided to just take it easy. I managed to get a lot of a new song written too, about a lonely drug addict. The other thing I did was go to my friends' house, just up the road, for about an hour, and we just talked about pointless things. All in all, a nice, easy day.