For starters, where you from? michigan. i'm a yooper:] Are you dating the last person you kissed? yup, yup. What color are your bedsheets? green. How long is your hair? a little past shoulder length. What were you doing before this? doctors, getting my paycheck. Are your parents still together? helllll no. How many bedrooms is your house? uno. Do you have fake nails? nope. Where's your phone? across the room, where it belongs. I bet you miss someone? extremely. What are you doing this weekend? eh, nothing. What's the last movie you went an seen at the movie theater? the wolverine movie, it's been awhile since i've been to the movies. Connection between you and the last person that texted you? he's meh boyfriend. Do you go tanning? can't say i ever have. Do you drop your phone a lot? yepp. Is tomorrow gonna be a good day? prolly not. What is the last thing someone bought you? car parts, lol. Your best friend likes your last ex, what do you do? eh, whatever. do whatever they want. Do you ever get "good morning" texts from anyone? i use to. Do you have any nicknames? lots. Were you mad when you woke up this morning? a little. What did you do today? doctors, got my paycheck, neeeeed to clean. Do you have any pets? a snake. What's one thing that's been bothering you lately? myself. Is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now? yepp yepp. Anyone you would like to get things straight with? yepp. Who do you have texts from in your inbox? ummm. renee. mike. matt. matt w. umm. ryan, jamee, some others but i'm too lazy to look. Do you get along with girls? sometimes. Where is your default picture taken? living room. Who is the last person to text you? ryan. Do you have a flip or slide phone? flip. Do you wish someone would call you right now? no. Do you ever wonder what your ex or most recent “thing” is up to? wellll i do wonder what mike is up to sometimes. Do you have to ask other people to open bottles for you? yeahhh, lol. Do you like sneezing or do you hate that feeling? i absolutely hate sneezing. What makes you feel better? writing. Do you have both a loud side and quiet side? yepp. Does anyone call you babe or baby? yepp. Who is the last person to send you a message on Myspace? i thinkkk danielle=] How many piercings do you have? belly, nose, tongue, ears. When you say you don't care, do you mean it? no. You kissed someone today, didn't you? yepp=]

so what now from here? where do I go? Which turn did I miss in my brain that makes me feel this way. Was I suppose to turn right instead of left? I can't kept going the straight way I am going now. It's not any good. So are any of my choices any good? Was it better that I moved away? If i was to be in michigan everything would have been held back because I need to be strong. I need it. Growing up, tears were always a sign of weakness. So I stopped crying for a long time. So where did I go from there? I listened to Karen Carpenter's voice singing "We've only just begunnnnn to live....." It was the only thing that made sense, her voice. So did I make another wrong turn? Did I turn left when I was suppose to make a right? I made a left right into my brother's bedroom. My brain blocked that out till about a year ago. How I did that I have no idea. Lately, something is not clicking. It won't. Can this really be me? I cut myself because i'm numb anyway and I can't feel it anyway. I'm dead. Just dead. I believe in nothing, but i'm stil holding on to something. Just, what is it then? Am I holding on to my childhood 'cause I don't want to grow up or is ryan right when he said that i'm not accomplishing my goals fast enough. I got most everything I want, but something is gone. missing. boom. out. let me be free. let me live my life whoever whatever you are. I figured that this isn't me. I love work. I love school. I love to clean. but lately I could give a fuck about anything anymore. write me up. fail a couple clases, let the place be a fucking mess, who fucking cares anymore, right? so almost a year from now, my mental stage is in the same area. I still feel alone. I still feel helpless. I still feel scared. I still feel pessimistic. I still feel....nothing. Can this be depression or is it bi-polar? WHAT THE FUCK AM I?