When I fall, I fall hard. And when I crash, I burn. I always fall for the wrong guys. 5th grade guy... Suicidal clingy boy... Guy friend who just gets too awkward. Again with the moving on... I think it may have to become my hobby sometime soon. I want a boyfriend... but I just don't know who... More later..

We all have great expections and hopes of how something will turn out. We are hell bent on success and are completely convinced that we can, and will, get what we want. But wait... Then along comes reality. Everybody wave and say hi, before it screws you over. We all get hopes crushed. We should move on... But We can't. We won't We just dont want to. Or we just ignore reality and hope to hell that it works out... From the overworked mind of the psyeudonym Chuck. **These are metaphors for my life if you haven't guessed by now. Just a bit paranoid that someone I know might actually read these and know what I'm talking about...

It's nothing but wrong-headed dreams, it's all pomp but no glamour, it's clichés sung as if they were myths. -Sam's Town review. Isn't that what life is? Dreams that seem brilliant and incapable of failing, an air of importance around the worst of people, and cliches being constantly lived, all the while pretending they aren't. Gotta love it right? More musings later. Chuck

Today we had our final rec nite ever. Always boring, yet you always go. The only guy I danced with in three years was my friend's friend Vinny. So sad. I wanted this guy to dance with me...I thought he was going to, but no. He goes for the other girl. Of course. I always set my hopes to high. But on the plus side, my friend's boyfriend stripped down to a speedo and a bow tie with "PARTY BOY!" written on his chest, and ran around the crowd and out the doors, making sure the avoid the police officers. It was hilarious!! Still feeling pretty sad and sorry for myself though... But I'll move on. I always do. Love.

We all have something that we'd like to forget. An ex, a bad conversation, a fight, a kiss, a bad test. Now the question is, will we forget these things, put them behind us, and move on or live in denial and try to forget? Same idea, different concepts. Vice versa, we could also remember it, learn from it, and make the best of it or remember it and beat yourself up over it for months on end until you may just realize that it wasn't quite as bad as it seemed. Your choice. Or you could runaway to Mexico and change your identity. Whatever's cool with you.

I just read this story on CNN.com about a guy who robbed a convienience store, but apologized the whole time, and he helped the older clerk call 911 when she started having a heart attack. He left moaning, "I'm sorry this had to happen. I'm sorry. God!" He said he did it because he had bills to pay and no one would hire him. I think this story is so sad because the man obviously felt so bad that he was doing this and only did it because he felt that there was nothing else that he could do. Desperate times call for desperate measures as they say... So let's see. About me. I'm sore all over but it's getting better. My friend jammed my fingers in a locker and also accidently ran me over during volleyball. And I did something weird to hurt my shoulder. But I shall survive...Dramatic sigh** Right now I'm reading Nietzsche's Thus Spake Zarathustra, which is pretty good so far, even though I've only read about 10 pages or so. But it's amazing how brilliant some people were. It really makes you think, what the hell am I doing sitting here, wasting my life, doing abso-fucking-lutely nothing while we have these people saving lifes and actually do something, anything.... We only need a spark of motivation to start something grand. Chuck.

"It's funny how you just breakdown, waiting on some sign..." --The Killers That is one of my favorite lines I have ever heard. It's so true. I'm always waiting for something to happen, for some sign to come that will tell me that I'll get over it and that everything isn't as difficult as it seems. But while waiting for that sign, which by the way hasn't shown itself yet, I always crack under the pressure of everyday life. School work, friends, what we take for love, and everything else. I'm getting used to crying in public. I want to change though. I get motivated to really do something, but that motivation somehow always dwindles after a few days. Don't take me wrong, I'm not mentally disturbed, just your average kid with the same amount of problems as everyone else, just different shapes. So my friend wants to like this guy and go out with him again, even though she admits that he hurt her before. {This would be the same guy that we soaked in Coke a few weeks ago.Teehee} They went out twice, but that didn't work out so well. Now she is/was mad at us for telling her not to get too close to him and to keep her distance. But she did specifically tell us last time to not let her fall for him again. I learned the hard way what happens when you don't trust your friends when it comes to relationships. Let's just say hell isn't such a nice place... I'm loving Relient K lyrics right now. Such a great band. Kudos. Till tonight do us part. Chuck* *Some restrictions may apply.

Has anyone else ever made a rocket out of Diet Coke and Mentos? It's pretty fun, unless you're a bit challenged, like me, and soak the neighbor in Coke. Even though that was hilarious, and he deserved becuase he cheated on my best friend. Multiple times. So, pretty much everyone in our class bombed the algebra test. So we all have to retake it. Even the child prodigy did bad. It's not fair. He's good at effing EVERYTHING. Sigh... Some of us will never measure of to those brilliant ones. We just admire from afar... Ok, I had a point when I started writing this, but I totally lost it... Maybe later?

Monday means everyone's cranky.It means that weekend's over and that it's back to school. It also means computer class... I think we should skip Mondays and move straight onto Tuesday. It would save a lot of cranky tired people a lot of complaints. Me being one of them. I see all these people with lovely, inspiring journals that make you want to be a better person inside. Well yeah, I may have a problem with that. I want to be like those people, but as you all probably know, it's easier said than done. It's easy to say, oh I think I'll start an excercise plan, study more, treat others as you want to be treated, but it's oh so hard to follow through. Maybe it's because we have a lack of motivation or are just too damn lazy. Like the Killers say, " I got soul but I'm not a soldier." You have motivation, but it's still too hard. Kind of sucks doesn't it?

So.. Now I'm quite bored...St. Patrick's Day bore anyone else? Great, and I still have math homework. I hate math with a mad burning passion. I could never love someone as much as I hate math. I mean, come ON! They invented calculators for a reason. So enough about me. How are you?