i tell people i'm off social media because its distracting, but it's mostly because my life feels so dull compared to everyone's vacations and love and achievements. i'm scared someone saw me peeing beside my car today while i watched IT crowd. who wants to hear about that? well, whoever is reading this i guess. all 3 of you. xoxo lots of love.

is being a stoner degenerate cool? i wouldn't know. i had lunch with my drug dealer at this place that can basically be described as a fancy hooters. he paid and then we went to this park and sat in silence for about 13 minutes until i said i had to go home and study.

but we both know i didn't study. i just took a nap. not sure if that's going to mess up my weed supply, but i don't care. i don't want to sleep with my drug dealer. and i offered to split the bill. but who am i justifying myself to? we both know he wasn't buying me bruschetta for my health. but i dunno.

unspoken social contracts aren't binding and i would stop hanging out with my drug dealer if i had more satisfying relationships in my life. i thought about joining the anime club, but that will probably be pretty similar to my attempt at joining the 3ds club. all the people who enjoy my hobbies are usually even stranger than i am. i'm just complaining to avoid accepting that i'm wasting my life away. 

guitar is going poorly. still stuck on wonderwall and feeling disheartened that it's already 2 months in and i'm not jimi hendrix. i want instant gratification but all i have are irritated finger tips. thinking about buying phosphorus strings, but you can't buy practice and talent. 

things get better in spring, but i haven't been doing much to make it that way. sometimes i wish i could take a couple of seconds to rearrange my life without the winds of time rushing thru my ears. but i'd probably use those seconds to get high without anyone bothering me.

what a curse to be denied the things i shouldn't want. 

I guess you could say we met in a vacuum
Or in all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world
Your breath or my breath 
The bottle, the brine, the brainless 
Tumbling and tasting and tolerating 
God I miss you 
I never figured out which of us was the villain 
But I'm the one telling a story as old as crime
It ends with, "you were never mine."

Sometimes the universe lines up just right

and the half-moon looks like the arrowhead of a galactic arrow 

Notched upon a bow made from Orion's belt

or maybe I'm just high in my car by myself at 4 in the morning 

either way

I'm alright?