it's cold outside and my throat is torn up. i'm not sure what to say because nobody's really listening, so i can say anything i want. it's hard to choose with so many expressions available to me. it's not about what you want to hear. it's not even about what i want to say! it's not about anything. i smile at people and they smile back. sometimes they're mean and sometimes i'm mean back. i'm sure there's someone out there who'll cup my face and tell me i'm beautiful, but it's nobody i know right now. there isn't much i can do. i'm going to lie down