i don't know if i made the right decision tonight- to stay in my room. i could have gone over there and maybe it could have been like last night all over again. but i wasn't really feeling all that lucky, you know. that french girl smoked my weed and drank my juice and told me about all the guys that want to fuck her and then left saying she was going to be right back. i was glad she left, to be honest. i'd rather be lonely by myself- it's more efficient. i could have gone over to his room and made a fool of myself as always, but i didn't and made a fool of myself over text messages. it's actually nice to have the room to myself. my roommate is fucking the guy she likes back home. i'm happy for her. i feel like ted though, with my face dropping briefly- "i'll never find love." he was worried he'd broken my heart and he said that we didn't need to fuck anymore. but i have no idea what i want. i don't think my heart is broken. i'm just tired, mostly. all of my social interactions are feigned. the "real me" lies in bed and looks for patterns in the ceiling. i'm not full of life or enigmatic or interesting. i just want to sleep all day. i'm seeing my good friends tomorrow and i'll put on my brave face. i'll try not to drink too much and i'll try not to spend too much money on shit i don't care about, but we all have vices and mine are typical. is sleeping in empty arms better than sleeping alone? never mind. i don't want to know.