i miss all the people i use to love. they're the trolls under those bridges now. i'm not the third of anything so i don't understand these riddles. it's not because i'm lonely, it's just that these new friends are ripping me apart in a different way. i'd give anything for it to be you letting me down and two-facing it. i don't think i've ever hurt so badly. it's like shitty friends version 2. i'm jumping into lakes with all my clothes on and coming home at all hours of the night. my bones are starting to stick out again and i'm okay with that. i keep having to take breaks from writing because i'm getting choked up. i know how stupid i sound, but that's just how stupid i am. 'Coz you left the frays from the ties you severed When you say, "best friends means friends forever"

i was just thinking about heath ledger. he had such a beautiful smile. he really made an impact on the world. poor guy. i'm honestly wigging out. i don't know how else to describe it except with that archaic term. i feel like i'm growing up too fast and that the lost boys have pegged me a lost cause. it's almost funny how my brain is protesting these chemicals. i'm getting a 95 in the math course. almost like a, 'don't fuck it up' notice. i know as soon as my blood tastes them for the first time, i'll be ruined. all the roads will be marked, and all of my nerve gone. i wish i could increase the weight of these matters. it's just been tough lately. i can't really explain too much. i guess sometimes i just sit and watch all the bridges leading elsewhere burn. i can't rest my face in my hands though. the smell of kerosine makes me nauseous. all the water surrounding me is coated in it. only like dissolves like, as you know. i'm honestly unhinged. just watch me fall through the crack and come out a skeleton.

all the particles in my brain that hold any sense are breaking part and eroding because you're the acid and my eyes are vacant funnels. but i go crazy whether or not you're here. this is such old news, i don't know why i keep repeating myself. i know i sound all irresponsible and right now, but really, i'm insanely disciplined. i'm doing next year's math course this month to get ahead. it's sucks up all my weekdays and then i work all weekend. just strung out, i guess. all my friends are so fucking stupid and i'm so unhappy i could throw up miniature violins. i'm not smart enough to be what i want to be and i'm not stupid enough to do what i want to do. somebody else could make much better use of my circumstances, but i guess that's true for everyone. i don't have enough money to buy love yet, so i'll have to settle for coca-cola, but backwards to avoid copyright issues. if i drown it'll be in chemicals.