Give me my Romeo; and when he shall die, Take him and cut him out in little stars, And he will make the face of heaven so fine That all the world will be in love with the night cigarette ashes flicked off like all the burning dreams we used to have. damn kid, you really got potential. thank ye, sir, but that never got anybody anywhere. or better yet, how far did it ever get you? the same sad chords being played over and over till every month you whistle them at the moon till she cries and you remember. imperfect music is the only kind that can make me hurt hard enough. some preshredded pop song cant do shit, but you love it the better because of it. some people they make you feel like shit, but you love them the better because of it. 'full moons pills got me out on the streets tonight.' and i swear by it. come out and howl with me while i try to remember. steal a drag and teach me how to smoke in circles through my head. lovemelovemeloveme, i'll be anything you want me to be, if only you'd lovelovelovemememe. how cool are we? spitting between drags, trying to set parks on fire. squeezed into one tire swing, me watching your lips move. youre nothing but a joke that never fails to make me laugh. i never, ever take you seriously after the moon disappears, but you never, ever listen well enough to know that. youre just the friend that everyone talks shit about just cause you talk shit too. i love you, but you're just the male version of rosaline. and the sky, it's just a close-up of your eyes. it's not even love, but my heart, it warms everytime i say it. and ever since that night, i've been trying to make things less cold. won't you love me? i would if i were thy bird.

did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight. for i never saw true beauty till this night. funny how today i hung out with the people i put down with helena. i know most people don't see it, but i loved her in that almost desperate kind of way. bestfriends was just the euphemism of a curse she put on me. to a boy: my mouth is a cigarette burn, but atleast i'm not the one burnt out on some sidewalk downtown. oh god, how you meant the world to me. it's never your number gracing my cell, but i don't get why i always hope it is. you never told me what you tasted of, but sometimes after a few shots of vodka, i think i sort of get it. you know, i'd take "love" over you anyday, but i've never had the choice, have i?

romeo and juliet is the only thing i love right now. everyone else is just collateral damage. renouncing all the people i cared about because i'm just not feeling the beat anymore, and friendship is all about keeping time(no matter what they say.) even i don't give a shit anymore. 'life is more than alright when you let yourself know it. theres not a hole in your head or your heart if you dont want there to be.' pete wentz. i'm scaring off friends with the flash of my teeth. if you cant love me like this, you never can, and i swear to god, i'll make sure you never will. logan is rosaline, but my situation is so much more awkward and lame. i'm going to be alone for a while, everyone just seems to makes me sad in that teen angst kind of way. and really, who needs that? well, i guess i did need a break from being lonely. but back to work, right? things always get better and they always get worse and they're always alright. life is just a movie, and as long as i have fingers i'm keeping them crossed in hopes that i'm in a romantic comedy. but i'm probably just in a creepy indie film that everyone pretends to love, even though they don't get the plot at all. it's okay, you know, as long as their airbrushed faces stay aglow. ay me, sad hours seem long.

he's busy during lunch on thursday. detention, hah. i asked about friday, he said, "k we'll see." i'm making this a lot more awkward than it needs to be, but why change who you are? oh, right. all signs are pointing to vs. let's just get this over with. either way, i'm gonna get hurt. i'm liking these odds. i mean, aren't you? when you're guaranteed a loss, you can do anything without worrying about screwing it up. fuck winners, fuck heroes. at this moment i am mrs. tyler durden. i'm not even the biggest loser in these parts, i'm just barely beyond mediocre is all. and i'm pretty fucking pissed off about it. nobody fucks with fight club. trying to calm down my terrified heart. i'm all teeth and make-up, no substance whatsoever. why don't you love me?

i wore a Tybalt costume. black tights, my dad's salmon shirt, and a belt. i kept it on the entire day. i'm going crazy. i want to see him every second of every day. but i'm not allowed to because we're not close enough. i don't usually get sexual fantasies, and i still don't, but is it wrong to picture these tights ripped off? i'm sorry, i guess. slowly buiding up the guts, i cant wait for you to shoot me down. break me down so badly. i've never dissected someone so horribly. everytime you smile at me, i wonder if you're telling your friends about this stupid girl who won't leave you alone. i wish i wouldn't have to do all the work in this. whywon'tyouloveme? it keeps repeating itself in my head. you're just the only affliction i have right now, that's why you're so important. nobody really gets it. you make me nervous. you make tybalt nervous. why are you so hard to understand? or maybe i'm just trying too hard. probably. i'm doing pretty much everything wrong. 'get over it.' yeah, okay. i will.

i sound so happy and arrogant in my past few entries. because that's what i am. deflecting misty raindrops with my crinkle-eyed smile. he said it brightened up his day. but i don't think it does anymore, or maybe i'm just being insecure. i hate how he's the only one who has the power to make or break my day. it's not stitches or scars with him; it's hello or no hello. i feel guilty when i'm having good days(touch wood), kind of like i'm robbing from the mouths and giving to the eyes. not complaining. i wish you could see the sky the way i do. 'it's raining, why are you taking a picture?' you don't understand. it's irrational for me to like somebody like him. i'm a fucking psycho and he's not. it only gets me down some of the time. i try not to think about it. i'm always so afraid of destroying beautiful things. kind of glad i can't hurt helena anymore. you don't understand that either. i still love her more than most. all the bestfriends i have expire after a year or so. facts of life. I'm whistling in the key of hopeless love and screwing everything up with a nod of my head. this, and only this, you understand. should've known better than to call you out.

dude, youcantshakeus can really write. i have a shitload of homework to do because of all that school i missed. grade nine is serious buisiness, they say. i've been procrastinating all week. i feel like micheal from The Office, but i have to do a little more than just initial some forms. i'm kind of scared of going back to school. all those people i've known since grade seven. this is the longest i've ever stayed in one school. i'm might try to switch to a private school next year because i'm a douchebag. it's not anyone's fault that i hate everything. except my parents, right? hah, totally kidding. on the whole bestfriend front, i'm getting better. she was always a bitch but i needed her and for some reason she needed me back. she chose the road always taken and i'm sitting in a tree somewhere west. she's got all her friends and i got all mine. i'm not standing at the crossroad of evers anymore. i already told you where i am, and it's not called "compromise" if you actually "want" it. i've been writing this entry for way too long. i wish i could marry Dwight and live on his beet farm. my heroes are as followed. tyler durden, dwight schrute, rant casey, jesse lacey, dsajk, ldsjldlsljds, aldsajd, ljsadl, and pete wenz. there's a lot more like you know oscar wilde van gogh etc gsdsadjdlak tired ssleepthitg HOMEWORK must do or i'll be all stressed out all of tomorrow and i'll miss school on monday because of some crappy angst trip. ash durden; resident lifer

i told everyone i had the stomach flu and didn't go to school for a week. i never, ever want to go again. just because. yeah, i'll be going tomorrow. turn that frown upside-down, right? i can't seem to remember my own life story. all these books and movies and songs and paintings and people are just so much more wonderful.