I found it! I found the Fall Out Boy album! I technically have one more album left to buy; Evening Out With Your Girlfriend. This album means a whole lot to me. I still want the other version of Infinity On High though. I haven't really heard G.I.N.A.S.F.S. and It's Hard To Say "I Do" When I Don't I just pretend they don't exist so I don't feel bad. I've tried very hard to find downloads for them, but never had luck. I have a lot of drama going on in my head. I think I'll go to sleep so I don't get confused. And by the way, if you have any problems with Fall Out Boy or me.. Go ahead and bitch about it in your journal or send me an email enclosing those 'cool words' all your friends use. I won't care either way and you'll get it off your chest. Goodnight. -ash

I inadvertently discovered a new way to live. I am not joking at all. I wish I'd thought of it sooner. So, basically.. You don't sleep at night and you sleep periodically through out the day. Meaning, you can fast forward though all the parts where you have nothing to do. The only glitch is that you feel kinda shitty and numb for a little while when you get up. But hey, progress isn't for the weak of heart. I think I should eat something before I start towards my piano teacher's house. Otherwise, I just might pass out en route. It's a lifestyle I wouldn't recommend. But a jittery mess of nerves is better than plain mess. -ash ahaha, wow. this was a really shitty idea in retrospect.

If I sleep now, I'll be nocturnal. I don't know if I can stay up anymore though.. That was only who I was last week.. I'm afraid of coffee; my nerves didn't handle it well. Maybe I'll bike to a coffee shop when it's brighter out. I don't know for sure. I'm starting to like The Smiths.. I love it when music grows on me. You know that one school bully that always seemed heartless? What if what everyone says is true? That he really did have the lowest self-esteem. That he really did put others down to make himself better. How scary. When I really think about it, maybe that kid that picked on everyone was hurt when I tore him down. Even though he had it coming, was I any better? Was the religious kid right? That what I did wasn't going to change anything? I'd like to think I was good to help the girl who was the victim. Mainly because she'd bothered me before and I had every right to see her hurt. I think I should stop thinking about it because that mess is actually starting to make sense. I don't want to be a bystander anymore. You know what? Human nature is a bitch and I like asking questions. If I can understand this when I re-read it later today, do I get a prize? Or am I just delusional? Maybe irony will finally marry me without running off with the preacher. Or is that just out of line? You'll remember me. -ash

I suggest: Saturday by Fall Out Boy Is the feeling of infinity really nothing more than a racing heart? Or is it like the feeling of leaning against the wind off the edge of a cliff ? I really hope it's more than a racing heart. I could run up and down the stairs to get a racing heart. Stability is something I need but don't want. Does that count as irony? Either way; crazy is the most fitting word to describe any emotion. i deleted this part because i felt like it -ash

I suggest: Les and Ray by Le Tigre People change according to their surroundings most of the time. Sometimes though, when a person spends most of their time alone, they change within themselves. In the former, the change is very gradual. But in the latter, it's very often. I think that in the deepest moments of the night, we all turn back to what we really are. Past the sophistication, past the immaturity, past what we are to diverse people. We, in all truth, never change. All that changes is how we show ourselves. Take that to bed; it's lonely. -ash