And. He was wearing white vans with black laces. Which looked so damn cute on him. I didn't want to forget that either.

So I went over to his house thursday after work and we talked for about an hour. I don't want to forget anything so i'm putting it all down. He said he was jealous of B. Cause there was a picture of us on my wall from 5 years ago. And I told him that those new picture frames I got, ALL I was looking forward to was putting a picture of me and him in one. He had no response. I told him that that, of all things, was something he should of talked to me about. He said he was scared he'd get too attached to me and then i'd go off to college. He said he regretted it the second he did it. He said I was all he thought about at football camp. He said I was all he thought about all the time. He said he couldn't look at the pictures on his mom's camera cause our prom pictures were on there. He said he was stupid and he was so happy when he was with me. He said he wondered what it would be like if we were still together. He said he would wait for me forever. "Take as long as you need. I'll be right here. Right here." I told him i'd need some time to think about it. And we were standing there hugging & I was thinking about how happy I was that he came back to me and how scared out of my fucking mind I am that he'd leave me again. So I whispered in his ear "I'm scared." and he said I'm Sorry. I almost started to cry and when we pulled away I had tears in my eyes. I couldn't look at him and he could tell. He asked me if I was okay and i nodded and he said promise and I stuck out my middle finger to cross his. I still love him. SO much. I'm so scared he's gunna leave me again. I can't do that again. Am I stupid for going back to him? I told him the next day I wanted to be with him and we both agreed to take things slow. I just want to know we're going to be okay. And happy again. It killed me to be around him again but he was still able to put that stupid huge ass smile on my face. I just want to be with him and happy again. More than anyything in the world. All I can do is hope. "Baby you're a wrecking ball Crashing into me Nothing I can do but fall Piece by piece You broke down every part of me That ever thought I'd never need you, baby It's twisted, messed up And the more I think about it It's crazy, but so what I may never understand it I'm caught up and I'm hanging on I wanna love you even if it's wrong Everybody's telling me, I'm over my head If they don't feel you loving me They all say that I've gone crazy Maybe, but it's too late now to save me I'm too tangled It's twisted, messed up And the more I think about it It's crazy, but so what I may never understand it I'm caught up and I'm hanging on I wanna love you even if it's wrong"

Well, today was my last first day of high school. Didn't see him. Thank god. I'm pretty sure he saw me though. My friend saw him walking with his ex. And he's got a class with her. When I found that out I felt like shit. He texted me as I was closing at work. And the conversation led to "I know it doesn't mean anything but I never should of broke up with you." AHHHH! I'm a constant wreck. I'm trying to act like i'm okay constantly. But I meant it when I said I couldn't see myself with anyone else. I let him have the best of me and now that part of me is completly missing. I know thats terrible but its true. Even if I got over him, I doubt I could give myself to another guy like I did him. I'm scared. I asked him why he did it then and he said "It sounds dumb but it was just stress I had alot going on at that time and i didnt wanna put you to the side" STRESS? You wanna fucking tell me about stress. Try having (in a week & a half) The one person you gave yourself to completely break up with you, your uncle in the hospital, drama at work, getting caught by your parents, your best friend stab you in the back, and your car breaking down. Then we can talk about your "stress". God, just when I was starting to do a little better. Why why why why why? Everything happens for a reason. I just need to keep reminding myself of that. "I'm not the type to get my heart broken I'm not the type to get upset and cry Cause I never leave my heart open Never hurts me to say goodbye Relationships don't get deep to me Never got the whole in love thing... This time was different, felt like I was just a victim And it cut me like a knife, when you walked out of my life Now I'm in this condition And I've got all the symptoms Of a girl with a broken heart But no matter what, you'll never see me cry I didn't give it to you on purpose Can't figure out how you stole my heart"