Well, I look like a fool. He broke up with me about a week ago. And i've been a walking disaster. Maybe I was in lust. I don't know why I waited a week to do this. I think I couldn't face it. No, it was the fact that if I did it, then it would be real. God i'm a wreck. Ughhh, and the worst part is he doesn't even CARE. He didn't sound sorry. He doesn't want to be friends. He doesn't care at all. Thank the good lord above I didn't sleep with him. He tried to about two nights before he broke up with me. And I told him no cause he was drunk and I had been drinking and that wasn't how I wanted my first time to go down. And we talked about it the next day and he told me he wasn't mad about it. But i've heard from my guy friends he was. Maybe that was just locker room talk? I don't wanna think of him as that type of guy. Part of me wishes I would of, cause then maybe he wouldn't of broken up with me. But then again maybe he still would of been unhappy. I cried the whole first day. But right now, i can't manage a single tear. He turned me into a girl I had never been before. And I was okay with that cause I was happy. God i'm so dumb. I know everything happens for a reason. I know this is how its meant to be. But I just want him to come back. I admit, i'd be skeptical if he did and i'd have my guard up. But maybe thatd be a good thing. Maybe thats how it was supposed to be the first time. Ughh it doesn't matter though, cause thats not happening. I don't know how to start over. I don't know how to deal with a broken heart. I've never had to before. I've always had another guy to turn to. (Which is terrible, I know) Maybe i'm being taught a lesson. Like, i've done this to too many guys so now I get to know what it feels like. I miss him like crazy. All I want to feel is him holding me again. "I've talked to friends talked to myself I've talked to God, I prayed like hell but I still miss you, I've tried sober I've tried drinkin I've been strong and I've been weak and I still miss you, I've done everything to move on like I'm supposed to I'd give anything for one more minute with you.. I still miss you,I still miss you baby I never knew till you were gone how many pages you were on Well it never ends I keep turnin them, line after line you're there again Well I dont know how to let you go You're so deep down in my soul I feel helpless so hopeless Its a door that never closes No I don't know how to do this"