Lately, I can't seem to get the thought off my mind that i wish my parents were still together. I can't help but think that everything would be so much easier. Well, I guess when i say that i should say together&happy. Why couldnt they just be happy? fdks;ajib

So, i've been in a good mood lately. Wonderful seeing as how im letting B get to me, again. He's saying all the stuff he used to say. Which isn't much but enough to do me in. And we're so close of friends, the kind that can talk about anything, and sometimes im so close to talking to him about this. To ask for his advice or something. And I really have to step back and stop myself. It's hard. I miss being single I think. Don't get me wrong I love J. And I know that he is absolutely perfect. I'll regret it if I do something stupid and break up with him. Cause he'll never forgive me. But I really can't help it anymore. I always think i'm over them and then later it comes back to bite me in the ass. Not cool. Like today, after 1st period, I was standing with J. And he was being his normal pain-in-the-butt-but-in-a-flirtatious-way-self. While 20 feet behind him was B. And he's so tall that his head was sticking up above everyones. And he looked at me. He was smiling but i knew that was about something that was going on in his little conversation. I looked away but only to look back a few seconds later. He was still looking at me. Only not with that same smile that was on his face.

Today was well... boring and uneventful. He's been weird lately. I'm not sure why. Was he really kidding? =/ My brain seriously felt like it was going to explode at least 3 times today. While sitting in 6th hour i got the worst head ache, i was sick to my stomach, and i just got that feeling that if i put my head down i wouldn't be able to pick it back up. I think i've finally figured it out; I can't get over them, because it wasn't over. Maybe i should of fought harder? Thats why this time around I am going to try harder. I'm trying to get past this feeling I'm feeling right now. The same exact thing I ran away from a year ago. And the last time, well I should of just plain tried harder. I hear he still has feelings for me. That makes me sad... I'm sorry.