ive relized whats the point anymore? all this sadness over a boy who treats me like shit i think to myself "how stupid am i?" then i get it in my head that im over him and try to be strong i see him and... ....i just melt just friends then friends lead into being friendlier then friendlier leads into dating then dating leads to misery then misery leads to breaking up then breaking up leads to friends and the chain just keeps going this has been going on about 8 times every year for about 4 years im gonna get over him no matter what it takes i dont want to be miserable and go through this shitty cycle fot the rest of my life grr

last night.. we talked on the phone for 4 hours... he's always so down on himself but he deserves what he gets for the way he acts.. he's an asshole.. ...a big one...really he is... he does stuff without thinking then he says sorry about it and i forgive him no matter what it was he says hes going to change... but how many times have i heard that before? (like 6 million) he wants everything to be the same, like it was back then he keeps asking for one more chance but ive already given him so many i dont want this out of life i dont want to be miserable my friends tell me that i deserve better and that he's just gonna hurt me again and that if i end up with him my life would totally suck ...i know they're right.. but what is a girl to do?

i think he might know that i love him or maybe not... he is pretty stupid and a pretty big asshole but i think he just uses that so he doesn't have to face the truth... I'm usually not like this with boys i usually dont care but after that summer he moved away i could never get him out of my head then he moved back... and dated my best friend and it didnt help that he lives next door and they would always come over ...i envied her i still do sometimes... i think i secretly hate her... but i dont understand does he know? does he want to know? does he want to be with me? or does he just use me? is he scared that we might be like we used to? or is he scared it will fail? ive been on this rollarcoaster for the past 3 years should i just face it ...either throw up or stop riding it

i just got break detention... for chewing gum... bitch