i hate asher. i honest to god hate him. so i guess his grandma lives by me or something i dont really know and he turned up on my doorstep at 8:30 last night. i was all looking like shit because there was this lame party that my friends and i attempted to go to but anyways he was just standing there wearing his expensive clothes like they were from the quarter bin at the thrift store and his stupid self-satisfied smirk like he already knew my parents were gone. how did he know?? "hey there gorgeous" "fuck off" but i couldn't slam the door in his face as much as i wanted to. we both knew that i still owed him something cuz he's the one who taught me everything i know. so i let him in. of course you already know that this has "bad news" written all over it. i won't say what we did, accept that we "watched" spun. i've had that movie for ages and i still can't figure out what the fucking point is (but it has patrick fugit in it which makes up for it...even if he is a speedfreak...)...anyway now i feel completely and utterly empty used wasted... before he left, he slipped me the spring schedule for MIAD. i wanted to scream because he knows i'll go. i was looking at it today and this is what he wrote on the back: i know you i know what you're about you think you're above me but you're not you're below me i chose you because i can see inside you right to your bones your blood your breath i'm making sure our souls are sealed in the same envelope he's such a fucking bastard!!!!!!!! i could gag at his pretentiousness

i like hate and i hate everything else im thinking the new bridge could use some color but i'd probably get caught. then again i feel really confident since asher taught me how to lift krylon. its easier than you'd think. i hide it under my bed. i can get away with a lot of shit...its scary. sometimes i dont finish a tag but thats ok cuz the next day i just plan a bunch of designs during school. my grades are slipping but whats the point in maintaining them? im finally doing what i fucking want. no one knows either...well besides the whole fucking population now just like other things which i've since dismembered myself from. i wish i could redeem myself. oh fucking well. i wont be around for long anyway. one of these nights its gonna be "they made me do it" with an ax dripping pink. watch for it!!! its gonna be killer i planned the font out today before school and some lame kid was eyeing it up, go away fucking poseur. i swear...oh yeah paint doesnt come out of clothes, just so you know.

a message for everyone who has obviously read this and now looks with pity on me because im so obviously pathetic: stop fucking looking at me!!!!!!!!!