How dramatically I have changed in the last few years. I constantly have to reassure myself that I'm not a burnout. That my choice not to pursue my old athletic aspirations was a choice not biased with marijuana. I was lucky enough to posses a natural athletic ability yet i convinced myself that it is not what I wanted. Maybe it was the pressure. I HAVE always lacked discipline. I still feel as if it was the right choice. Sports would always enlarge my ego and I'm trying to shrink it. I sometimes can't stand it when people talk about the potential I had. I guess that is the hardest part. I don't want people to just say, "oh well he smoked pot and got lazy". Too bad that my renunciation of sports and my pot smoking were so close on the linear time scale, I may never know. I understand that peace and happiness are the most important things in the world to the individual so I should not care what others think, but I do constantly second guess myself.

It blows my mind to think of our human consciousness. First of all, consciousness is the only reason we know we exist. I think the only reason we can be sure we exist is the fact that we have the ability to question our existence. I might be talking in circles I can't tell. There is still a certain fungus lingering in my body. I'll stop before i say something stupid. peace.

Have you ever been able to think about the giant mass of society objectively? It's just this crazy machine building and expanding. Everyone playing a small role for the "advancement of it" what is the craziest though, is that society is leading nowhere. Expansion is only cause for more complication. Most new technology is developed by the military. This is incredibly ironic to me. You see, technology is supposed to be for the advancement of humankind. You see where I'm going? The newest and most advanced technology is actually moving towards the DESTRUCTION of human kind. Incredible.

Anyone wanna talk philosophy or crazy quantum physics shit aim me SoccerManiac1291.