god i feel like a dick... jefferey broke up with her... i think it was or me... im with wess... jefferey wants me... i want wess... and sha... sha doesnt want me jefferey or wess... i dont want jefferey. does wess evenn want me... do i want me?

he never got the voicemail. thank god... im glad he didnt. i cant beleive i wanted to break up with him. for jefferey???? ha! hes so... tiny... i like tall guys with some matter to their existance. thinking about my favourite song, glycerine by bush. just found out its one of his too... wow... stellar...

wonder where the first rain cloud came from? Rain comes from clouds, but before there was rain, were there clouds? oh yea, ocaens. they found a "new earth"... how fucking awesome would that be?to visit some odd planet with mountains and oceans, and dumbasses like us just walkin around, a doodle=dee-doo on the surface... very fucking awesome... omigod... im in love... for real this time... its not just another dumb fantasy... full is not haevy as empty, not nearly my love... not nearly...

its been a while since i could speak. to one who would never tell my secrets. to one who allows me to say what i want. how sad is this??? the only one i can speak to is a fucking computer. this thing doesnt fucking care. oh well . ill make it put a smile on = ) @ least it can convince me that its happy... omifuckinggod... i AM crazy... jesus christo... damn...

why are they all turning their backs on me? what did i do? nothing. i didnt do anything, an dtheyre all leaving me. she and i were friends. we LIVED together. i took her in while they got a divorce, and im not even invited to the wedding? why does she scorn me so? hell fire...

he was afraid of hurting my feelings. what the hell? he should know that im tough... i can handle rejection, especially from HIM... i can do much better than him... much better... i took my anger out on the raquetball court... iv actually faound a sport i like. wow... merde...

im stuck right here right here in this chair stuck doing the things people tell me to do too afraid to defy the orders too afraid to rebel but terrified of what will happen to me if i dont stop listening to other people.. will i lose my indiviudality? will i become my mother? oh, god... i gotta get the hell away from here... before i get too stuck...

i want to see wes sooo bad! its funny how i never had any feelings for him what so ever, but now that i have him, i incandesently need his prescence. someone i could care less about before is now the center of my thoughts...