Elle danse seule Ephémère et légère J'oublie tout, mon passé, mes misères Elle danse seule, seule So....ummm, yea, I just realized I completely didn't post in a while. Lots has happened, I just haven't posted anything, so let me take time out of my very eventful day and post some stuff. Soooo, last time I posted I said I was starting to like the friend that I was dating, well, that kinda ended. I broke up with him, and I feel pretty horrible about it. But I figured if I only liked him a little, and he liked me a whole bunch, then it wasn't fair to him if I stayed with him. So yea. I still feel horrible tho. I don't feel like I can talk to him anymore cause everything I say might hurt his feelings or make him mad or make him hate me. So it's a little awkward between us. Other than that, there's this guy I work with who's kinda I don no. He's older, by like 3 years, but looks way older than that. I think he thinks I'm pretty, but then again, (and not to sound conceited) a lot of guys think I'm pretty. I honestly don no why lots of guy think I'm pretty. I play around a lot saying things like I'm so pretty, and you love me a lot but honestly I don mean it. I really don think I'm pretty. I'm not skinny, I have nothing special about me, and I feel as if my personality sucks a lot at times. But I don want pity from anyone, I don want the whole Oh, no Lexy, you're really pretty. Don't think that about yourself So no one really knows how I feel. But yea, back to the guy I work with...I don't know what he wants from me. He's a guy. And most guys only want to make out with me or sleep with me, so I don see how he would be any different. He's nice, but for some reason I don believe the whole thing. I feel like it's all an act, like he's thinking Oh, I have to be a good boy for this girl, or else nothing is gonna happen I don no what to think. Honestly tho, I think the only thing that's bothering me is that I don no what he wants from me. I just wanna know. I just want him to tell me flat out if he wants to just make out with me, or if he likes me. Cause once I know, then I can go on and think about other stuff. Cause if he just wants to make out with me, then I guess he can join the club, cause he's not the only one. And I'm not really gonna be hurt if he just wants to make out with me cause he's not the first person who would have told me something like that. But if he really likes me, then I don no. I'm a horrible person to like. I'm so indecisive and I send mixed signals and I'm all crazy and everything. Ugh, I hate things like this, they make me think too much. I feel bad tho, cause he's tried to kiss me a couple of times, and I just can't bring myself to kiss him. I don no what's wrong with me. I had no problem kissing a guy during a trip freshman year, but now I can't kiss him. I think I'm defective. I need help or something. Cause the way I'm acting is really pissing me off. Hmmmmm....let's see, other than all the guy stuff, I think the only thing that's really bothering me is my job. I work at a pizza place and the guys that work there act like little girls in high school. People like them are the reason I don really like hanging out with girls. GIRLS ARE BITCHES And plus when I'm with girls, I become a HUGE bitch. I like myself better when I hang out with guys, cause then I act like a guy, and I like acting like a guy more than I like acting like a girl. But yea, back to the whole work thing. The guys that own the place, or are bosses or whatever, they always gossip. They're so mean to costumers, and they always gossip about everyone that works there. Just everything. It's irritating sometimes. But what can you do, What ever happens happens, and I guess I'm sticking this out for the cash. What else is on my mind....Ummmm, I think I wanna become Buddhist. Looks more interesting than Catholicism and I like some of the things they believe it. So I'll see where that goes, I think I'll change religions on my birthday so that it's a day I can remember. MY SIXTEENTH BIRTHDAY: THE DAY I BECAME A BUDDHIST Let's hope. Ooo....I'm been a big bitch lately to everyone at school. I keep flipping out on people or acting extremely emo. I think it's cause of my period, but it's still pissing me off. I don care if I have a reason for it, I just hate acting like this. I wanna act like a normal person again. I need to fix everything that's on my mind ASAP. As for school, I like my schedule. As soon as I drop my first period, I think I'll like it a little more. But other than that I think it's pretty good, I kinda like not having to bring my swim stuff to school everyday. I feel as if it's gonna make me less stressed out this year the fact that I don't have swim class. Wellllllllsssss........That's it for today. I wrote too much, Don't know if it sounds good, but I wrote as it popped up in my mind...so bare with me. Until Next Time.... ~Lexy~