When will this memory and pain disappear... Same Shit over and over... I cant believe im still hurt... Still damaged... When will it go away... Its making me wana die :(

I'v tried various times adding this entry.. Sometimes i c it as my last.. Like i am to die later. I cant put to words wat I'v been through.. But it hurts.. I feel abandoned.. I feel violated and abused.. I feel dirty............................. Im at shut down point, no return to where i started.. No refuge or help.. Left behind is not even a fraction. Im at shut down point, a point of no help, a point of ceased existence.. A place i no longer live.. A place to die. Im at shut down point, where i live in pain and anguish.. A place i no longer wish to be.. Shut down point.. Where i lay to rest burdens.. A place i lay to rest my soul.