it feels like a lifetime ago. there was the time in my life before, and now the month after. i hate that i feel like this. i hate that he could do something like this to me. and i hate that i'm scared of how long he'll be locked up for. fucking sicko. i feel sick just thinking about him. it's good to have a journal on a website where no one knows me and no one can judge me. i sometimes wish i was dead. thats not normal. i want some weed right now. i can't believe someone would do that to me. i mean, i'm me. but now... i deserve every piece of hurt i get. he lied to me. i trusted him. he ignored my cries. i wish i could go back to that day and just stay in my bed all day, and stop it from happening. i wish i never went there at all, i wish i never trusted him, i wish i never knew him. bastard.